Don't Wait for Romance--Create It

I noticed that my husband and I have not had much quality time together lately. Instead of just waiting for intimacy, I did something to create it. I e-mailed Rueben that I wanted to spend time with him. He called to say what time he would be home. Soon after he arrived, he made love to me in such a tender and loving way! So don't wait for romance. Do something about it. Keep those fires burning!

Speak Up

If your spouse does something that you don't agree with, do not suffer in silence or grumble about it under your breath. Speak up. Quiet reservations can fester and worsen.

Apologize Quickly

This afternoon after church and a bible discussion I facilitate, Rueben and I went to meet my friend Antonia for Sunday brunch. While at brunch more than once I found Rueben turning his head to watch football (it was a bar/restaurant with big screen televisions. I totally lost my cool. I snapped at him that he was being rude and told him if he wanted to watch football, he should leave our table and go sit at the bar. About a half hour later, I thought about it. Even though he was being rude, I didn't need to lose my temper like that, especially in front of someone else. I apologized and he accepted my apology.

Spend Quality Time Together

Our weeks are usually so hectic, that we hardly see each other except to say good morning and have a great day. But we do spend quality time together, especially on the weekends. For example, today, from morning to night, we were together and had a wonderful time. First, I prepared a delicious breakfast at about 6:30 a.m. Then we went to church together for a special event we were a part of. Then we went to see the powerful new film, "For Colored Girls." Then we went for a romantic dinner at our favorite restaurant, La Moutarde. It was wonderful spending so much time together and we cherished every moment.

Be Vulnerable

Recently, I experienced something that greatly disappointed me and it was written all over my face. Rueben noticed and asked if everything was okay. I said everything was okay. Later, I realized lying to him was a mistake and I needed to risk the vulnerability of sharing with him how I felt and what happened. I apologized for not telling him sooner and he accepted my apology and offered his support.

Don't Answer for Your Spouse

I recently got an e-mail from a friend asking if Rueben and I were available to do something. I politely asked the friend to not just write to me on such a matter, but write to us both. I would not presume to answer for my spouse, nor would I like it if he answered for me. It is important for both parties to maintain their autonomy and independence.