Perform Random Acts of Kindness

Last night, right after dinner, I realized that I forgot to buy Meow Mix Tender Centers cat food for our pet, Robin. It had totally slipped my mind. My husband volunteered to take care of it immediately. I thought to myself that he is the best husband in the history of husbands. But I didn't just think that. And I didn't just say how much I appreciated his kindness. No. I decided to immediately be kind to him in return. I told him I would take care of all the dishes right away. When he got back with the exactly right cat food for his super picky wife, he found the dishes all done. To steal Ellen DeGeneres's tagline, "Be kind to one another." In a cold and selfish world, we strive to be each other's oasis. It keeps our romance vibrant.

Renew Your Vows Periodically

Five years ago, on September 19,2009, my husband and I got married. Yesterday evening, to mark the anniversary, we renewed our vows in a small ceremony with family and friends. It was so wonderful, to say those words again, "in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death parts us...." We talked about our rings as "symbols for those feelings and emotions so great that they defy our human ability or expression." We vowed first of all to God, and second of all to each other to have a love that stands the test of time. We even sang a duet together publicly for the first time, that in the past we have only sung to each other privately, during romantic interludes. It was a powerful moment to share with our guests. Later, after the ceremony followed by a dinner party, my wonderful husband did something not so wonderful. My response? I jokingly told him that despite his annoying me, I will still "keep" him! But I warned him, jokingly that although I am not planning to trade him in for another husband, he needs to know "I still have my receipt!" Ha ha ha. I went on to say how much I paid for him. I said "One husband, 12 million dollars." I deliberately made him cost a fortune to underscore how valuable a great husband is. He is so funny. He thanked me for not trading him in. Then we made love. We have discussed it and decided to renew our vows every five years. I got the idea to renew our vows from the best couple I have ever known, my still happily married parents. It has worked well for them to renew every few years, so we are following their example.

Cherish Your Past, And Strive For Your Future

On Sunday, March 16, 2014, my husband and I celebrated seven years together. We had our first date after e mailing and calling each other after connecting on the popular dating site, match.com. We have celebrated every year. The funny thing is my husband is the one who first remembered the date and wanted to celebrate. I had no clue! Embarrassed that I am the girl but forgot, I vowed to do something drastic to never forget again. I tattooed the date on my arm! Now every March, I peek at the date and look forward to cherishing our past and striving for our future.

Keep Laughing

The other day, early in the morning, I was doing some work in my home office. As I was working, my husband woke up, came and kissed me, then jumped in the shower. At first I just heard water running. Soon, however, I heard a bizarre sound. Every couple of minutes, I heard my husband cracking up laughing. I thought to myself, "What is so funny? What is he laughing at?" Then I dismissed the thought, and went back to work. But after several minutes of listening to this mysterious laughter, I couldn't take it any more. I went to investigate. I went to the bathroom door and asked him what in the world was so funny. I said (kidding of course) it sounded like he was not alone in there. It sounded like he was having an affair! Then he explained the strange laughter. He said he was reliving a bunch of funny tweets about the hit show, "Scandal," a show we both watch together on Thursday nights. I thought to myself, "Alrighty then." He is a strange one, he is. But I am strange too, so we are a good match. His laughter makes me laugh too. I appreciate that about him.

Just Like the First

I wrote a song about my husband, when we were dating and I realized he is "the one." My favorite part of the song goes "Every time we kiss is just like the first. When I'm in your arms I feel I could just burst. I do, I do for better or worst. Your love makes me love you." I sang it to him on our wedding day, four years ago today, as part of my wedding vows. I still feel the same way today. Kissing him never gets old. Being with him is a blessing from above. Our love grows and gets stronger with each passing hour, each passing day, each passing year. The past four years have been fantastic. I am looking forward to sixty more! And I am blessed that he feels the same way about me. He doesn't hesitate to both show how much I mean to him and tell me as well.

Nip An Affair In the Bud

Affairs don't just happen out of the blue. They creep up, sneak up, in subtle ways. Knowing this, when I recently got attracted to someone other than my husband, I told my husband about it right away. I wanted it out in the open, not in the shadows. In the shadows it could grow from thoughts to actions.

Shower Your Spouse With Sincere Appreciation

This morning, my bass player sent me his transcription of a piece of my music. I had trouble saving it and printing it. I tried to no avail for several minutes. Then I asked my husband to help. He was able to do fairly easily what I just couldn't. Afterwards I thanked him profusely and gave him a passionate kiss. He was very happy to receive my praise. And while he was helping me, I made sure to ask if it was a convenient time. I strive to never ever take him for granted. This is the sort of thing that can keep our romance alive. I treat him years later like I did when we first met.

Speak Up Right Away

One thing I have always appreciated about my husband in the six years since we first met, is that if there is anything on my mind, I can always feel free to bring it up. And if there is anything on his mind, I know he will bring it up. In this way, we avoid the quiet reservations that lead to resentments many other couples experience. Sometimes, this straightforward communication is uncomfortable. Sometimes it is inconvenient. But then we consider the alternative and we speak up. The alternative is that what was small becomes big. What was minor becomes completely out of hand. What was just something to be brought up in passing, becomes something that cannot be discussed without the presence of a therapist. Recently, something bothered me. I brought it up right away before it became a big deal. This is how we roll. I love this about us. I wouldn't have it any other way. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Stay Together When Apart

My husband and I have been apart all week because he has been in Connecticut on business, while I have been holding down the fort in New York. But even though there have been miles between us, we have remained close nevertheless. The way we have done this is by making frequent communication a top priority. We have e mailed each other and also spoken on the phone a great deal. Of course there is no substitute for seeing each other in person, but when this is not possible, it helps to do the next best thing as much as we possibly can. We have checked in with each other about our day, our thoughts our triumphs, our challenges, all the while being each other's support.

Remember What Matters Most

In the days leading up to Valentine's Day, I decided to take the pressure off my husband to make some grand romantic movie moment. I told him that instead of going to a super exclusive super fancy super expensive restaurant, I wanted to go to a nice, yet simple, inexpensive one instead. Times are tough. Money is tight. I couldn't see spending hundreds on a single evening. For what? To impress whom? We had a lovely evening at the inexpensive place. Our time together was no less special, no less romantic, no less memorable, than at the fancy place that would have been my choice if money were no object. We talked. We smiled. We laughed. We embraced. We kissed. We told each other that we love each other. It was magical. And it was a fraction of the cost. And because it was right in our neighborhood, we were quickly home enjoying a romantic interlude instead of fighting our way through the holiday traffic. The next day, I publicly thanked my husband for making our Valentine's Day so special. I announced on Facebook what a great time I had and he responded publicly that it was just as special for him as it had been for me. It was like we had just met and were newly in love! So on Valentine's Day, or any other special day, remember what matters most: your love for each other, not the amount of money spent, but the quality of your time together.

Keep It Spicy

Like millions of women and some men, I have been making my way through the Fifty Shades Trilogy. What an exciting series. If you haven't read these books, I highly recommend them. They are Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker, and Fifty Shades Freed, by E.L. James. The trilogy is an erotic love story. What spicy sexual encounters are described! They bring back memories of when I was single and sowing my wild oats. I used to spank one of my exes. But that is another story. While I was reading the first book in the trilogy, I spoke to my husband about what I was reading. The next thing I knew, he told me that he had a Fifty Shades app on his smartphone and he wanted to explore it with me. What a fun sex game it is! I feel like we just started dating. It has really spiced things up! So look for ways to keep it spicy. Connecting sexually is not the most important aspect of a relationship. Absolutely not. However, it does matter. That is for sure!

The Secret

I recently mentioned to a stranger that my husband and I just celebrated three years of marriage. He asked what is our secret. I replied that we make each other laugh a lot and we always communicate openly. If there is something bothering either of us, we speak up immediately so that the issue can be quickly resolved. Nothing is off limits. Religion. Sex. Politics. Money. You name it.

Have a Busy Social Life Outside of Your Marriage

It is extremely important to spend quality time with your spouse. But it is also important that you you do not depend on your spouse to keep you entertained 24/7. That would be too much pressure on your spouse and also not healthy for you. Being busy with your friends now and then, keeps you balanced and also makes you more intriguing to your spouse. It is hard to take someone for granted who is not sitting around waiting to be invited out somewhere. Or even better, someone who is so busy that it is imperative to ask you out well in advance. It is true when dating and it remains true after marriage.

Don't Underestimate the Importance of Touch

My husband and I have always had very different schedules, but lately, things have become even more hectic than before, making our times together rare. But the other night, when we had some long-overdue time togerher, my husband did something that was so simple, yet so profound. He gently caressed my ankles for about 2 hours straight. It may not sound like much, but the fact that he was touching me in a way that was not sexual, but rather intimate and sensual really made me feel close to him. He touched me and everything changed! So do not underestimate the importance of touch in your relatiohship.

Remember You Are a Team

I once read somewhere that TEAM stands for together everyone achieves more. This is true with sports, this is true in business, and this is also true in marriage. When everything you do and say is determined by the assumption that you are in it together, a great relationship results. When you are a team, you communicate clearly and with humility. When you are a team, you choose your battles and know when to remain silent because something in the scheme of things is not that important. When you are a team it is you and your spouse as a united front against the world. When you are a team you stand together, you pray together, you make unity a priority and never take each other for granted. If you always keep in mind you are a team, great things are possible. So never forget that you are a team.

Make Your Anniversary a Special Event

Yesterday was our second wedding anniversary. Even though, I just had my hair done on Saturday, I decided to return to the salon to get a spectacular look for our anniversary as well. I also did my nails and wore my best jewelry. Rueben looked his best too and I told him how sexy I thought he was. We went to our favorite restaurant and had a fantastic time. We told each other how much we love each other and that if we had it to do again, we would get married all over again. Later, when we were home, we made love with both passion and an unmistakeable tenderness. It was so special. It certainly did not seem like a Monday, although that is what the calendar read. It felt like we extended the weekend!

Be Willing to Be Vulnerable

Recently, a childhood friend tragically died before his time. Ever since then, I have been depressed and have had a hard time functioning. I could have suffered in silence, but instead I have let my husband know what a difficult time I have been having and how I need his support. Last night, for example, he held me in his arms and soothed me for as long as I needed (about a half an hour). If you need something, ask for it.

Keep the Lines of Communication Open

I had something on my mind that had been bothering me about my husband. But instead of having quiet reservations, I told my husband about it, to take away its power. It worked. I am glad I told him and grateful at his response--to address the issue directly and turn a problem into a pleasure.

We Are One, Yet Two

A friend of my husband and I wanted us to do something for him. He wanted to know if we could do it. Rather than answer for the two of us, I directed our friend to ask my husband directly to obtain his response. I did this because it would be what I would want my husband to do under similar circumstances. We are one, in terms of our unity, but we are two, in terms of responding to questions. I would not presume to answer on my husband's behalf unless it was on an issue we previously discussed.

Give a Public Shout Out

It is great to whisper sweet nothings in your spouse's ear. But it is also wonderful to publicly state your devotion. This public statement is a sure way to show how proud you are to be together. It can be as old school as saying "I love you" over dinner with friends, or as high tech as saying it on your spouse's wall on Facebook. I have done both.