Monday, May 30, 2011

Create Some Excitement

My husband and I went to see The Hangover Part II today. We loved it. After the movie, we drove home. As we were pulling into the driveway, a really good song was playing on our XM Sirrius satellite radio. Whenever this happens, Rueben always asks me if I want to hear the rest, or turn it off and go inside the house. I said I wanted to hear the rest. Suddenly, he kissed me and fondled my breasts and put his hand between my legs. What a hot, sexy date he is! I was caught totally offguard. I hope he never stops exciting moves like that.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Don't Blame Your Partner for Your Mistake

This morning, as on every Sunday, my husband got up at 8 a.m. and I stayed in bed. Usually, I get up 30 minutes after he gets up. Usually. Today, I was in such a deep sleep that I overslept. Normally, we leave the house at around 9 a.m. to go to Jenny Craig, followed by church. But when my husband came to get me, he found me fast asleep. Then I had to scramble quickly to get ready so we would not be late. For a few minutes, as I desperately tried to get ready as quickly as possible, I was upset with him for letting me oversleep. But I had to get over it and not take it out on him.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Don't Let Money Come Between You

Over the past year and a half of our still new marriage, I have been learning a lot about marriage as a partnership. My close friend Richard calls us the Hopkins/Martinez Team. It is a fitting title that I have been learning to take to heart. This evening, I did something that made me a bit uncomfortable. I asked my husband for more money than he had originally planned to give me. He agreed right away and didn't make a big thing about it. I appreciate his not only digging deeper into his wallet, but not making me feel weird about it. I used to be engaged to be married to someone who always made money a huge issue and source of strife and arguments. It is refreshing to be with someone who does not have even the slightest hint of this sort of behavior or attitude.

Friday, May 27, 2011


The other night, my husband and I had a disagreement. I became extremely angry and frustrated. Just then, a guest arrived. It was his first time in our house. He immediately was drawn to some photographs on display of our wedding. He admired them, so I volunteered to show him more photos that I have in two albums. We sat down together and as he turned page after page and as I provided my commentary on what he was seeing in the pictures, my anger at my husband melted away, as I relived one of the best days of my life.

Cherish Each Other

Today was a wonderful day, because I spent the whole day focused on what makes my relationship with Rueben work so well and what an exceptional partner he is. The reason that I was focused on Rueben for so long is I was a guest on a talk show on cable television, and the topic of the show was internet dating. I am a strong advocate for internet dating because I meet Rueben on Anyway, he is such a wonderful guy, that it was a joy to read things I wrote about him in my book 35 Ways to Marry the Man of Your Dreams, think about songs I wrote about him on my CD, "Topsy Turvy," and decide what to put into this blog. He is a joy to me and thank the Lord he shows and tells me every day that he cherishes me just as much as I cherish him.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Never Forget How Great You've Got It

I found myself talking today about my relationship with Rueben, and how much better it is than my relationship with someone else I ALMOST married. The two relationships were like night and day. The engagement I broke off just in the nick of time was with a controlling, manipulative, and emotionally abusive person with whom I had mind-blowing sex day and night and night and day. The man I married, in contrast, never tries to control me, manipulate me, or mistreat me in any way. The first would spend money on me, then throw it in my face, while my husband spends money on me then never ever mentions it. The first was insanely jealous and sought to limit my interaction with others. In contrast to this insecurity and immaturity, my husband is comfortable with how social I am. He lets me be me. By the end of the conversation that highlighted the differences between them, I was even more grateful than ever that I didn't make the serious error of marrying my first intended and made the wise decision to share my life with Rueben, wonderful Rueben. I have got a great relationship with Rueben and would never want to go back!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Cherish Each Other

One thing I really love about my relationship with my husband is how much we both go out of our way to show each other and tell each other how much we cherish each other. I have lost count of how often he has let me know how much I mean to him and I also let him know often that I think the world of him. I don't ever want to settle into some married couple that has lost its "sparkle," as Carrie Bradshaw would put it.

Every single day, we treat it like both the first time we met and the last time we will ever meet. Let me explain. We act like it is the first time we ever met in that we both put our best selves forward always. We act like it is the last time we will ever meet, in that we go out of our way to part with hearfelt goodbyes with the utmost of love and affection. So cherish each other to keep that special spark in your relationship!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Give a Public Thank You

I was thoroughly enjoying a seminar for authors called Author 101 University the past two days, when it occured to me to pull out my BlackBerry and thank my husband for paying my tuition. I sent an e-mail thanking him and telling some of the highlights of what I learned. I sent it to him as well as several close friends, so that it was a public thank you. My husband wrote back right away cordially stating his appreciation of my acknowledgement.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Don't Have Quiet Reservations

On Sunday and again today, my husband disappointed me without meaning to. Some women would either keep it to themselves, or nag about it. Neither one is a helpful response. Quiet reservations can lead to resentment and anger that festers. And nagging can also lead to resentment. Both the one who nags and the one nagged can resent it. The one who nags can resent "having to" nag and the one who is the object of the nagging can resent being that object. Instead, each time, I chose to gently let him know how I felt, and he just as gently apologized to me. After the apology, each time we showed each other affection and quickly moved on.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Be Diplomatic

My husband was wearing a new leather jacket this morning that he recently purchased. I looked at it. There is an old saying that if you have nothing good to say, stay silent. So I kept my mouth shut. A few minutes after I bit my tongue, he asked if the jacket was okay. I played dumb. "Okay for what?," I asked. He pressed me for an opinion. I said, "It is not my taste. But what matters is what you think of it." He pressed me more. The jig was up. Finally, I said the problem is the jacket "looks like a Members Only jacket and those are out of style." He said, "That must be why it was only $50." I didn't say anything. During the whole exchange back and forth, I had a goal of sparing his feelings.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Little Things Can Mean A Lot

This morning, my husband left home without his laptop, which he needed to work with clients. When he came back for it, in a big hurry, he stopped to see me before going back out again. I was so touched that even when he is pressed for time, he makes time for me.