Get in the Mood

Yesterday, afternoon, I was minding my own business, listening to my hairdresser's outgoing message, when my husband came into the doorway. He asked, "Are you on the phone?" I told him, "Not really. I am about to leave a message for Maria, telling her what a great job she did." He agreed that my hair looked great. Then he just stood in the doorway smiling at me. I left Maria a message and hung up.

The moment I hung up, he smiled more brightly, then rushed over to me, rubbed my knee, and put his hand between my legs. At that exact moment, I wasn't really in the mood. But I thought, okay, let's do it. Why not?

Well, let me tell you I am glad I resisted my initial reaction that I wasn't really in the mood, and instead had the second reaction of, okay, then. I am glad because it turned out to be one of the best love-making interludes I ever experienced in my life. And I have had many great lovers in my life, I am not afraid to admit. Anyway, it was PHENOMENAL! Imagine! I would have missed out if I said, "Sorry honey, but I am not in the mood."

So my advice for today is if your husband or wife initiates sex and you are not really in the mood, GET in the mood. You never know where it will lead or how it will make you feel. I felt like the lines from Missy Elliot's hit, "Work It," "Sex me so good I say, 'Blah, blah, blah.' I need a glass o' watah, boy oh boy it's good to know ya."

I am not kidding. I couldn't think straight after we made love. I was on Facebook,afterwards, and saw a picture of one of my ex-boyfriends and my mind went totally blank. I could not remember his name at all for like a long, long lingering moment. Finally, it came to me after I struggled. Alister. I thought wow. That was really great sex if I forgot Alister. When we went out, he thought I was "the one" and told me he dreamt I would be his wife. Telling me this made me go completely crazy for him. I would forget HIS name? Wow. And to think I almost said no to that spirit lifting, mind-blowing sex. Get in the mood. It might surprise you!

Birdland

I promised a few days ago to let you know how my date went with my husband at Birdland, the most famous jazz club in the world. It was fantastic. We saw the incomparable Karrin Allyson in concert with a great jazz trio. But seeing her was not the best part. The best part was that on the way into the club, my husband noticed a postcard that was publicizing Birdland's special event every Monday night at 9:30. Long story short, I am singing at Birdland on Memorial Day and on June 7th to promote my next big concert at Drom. I never would have known about it if not for my husband so I am very grateful to him.

As Iron Sharpens Iron

There is a scripture in the Bible that reads, "as iron sharpens iron, so one (person) sharpens the other." I believe the best relationships are the ones in which each person sharpens the other. Well, I am happy to report that my husband and I sharpen each other. This is fresh in my mind right now and I am inspired to write about it, because I just pulled an all-nighter in my online course, and got an 80% on the test for the last chapter in the course.

God helped me through the night to persevere, not give up, be confident, have energy. But my husband gets some of the credit too, not just God. I feel like Sarah Palin, as she credits "Todd (her husband) and God. But it is true in the best relationships. My husband brings out the best in me. He inspires and helps me to be at reach new heights and do great things. I can't wait till he wakes up so I can thank him for sharpening me as iron sharpens iron. I have to wait about 2 hours to tell him this. At least, I can share it in my blog whilst I wait for him to wake up.

In the course that I just completed, I have been preparing myself for a new field, relevant to my former field. My new field is financial services, and my former field s education. The relevance is both have to do with helping as many people as possible to reach their goals. I saw in myself an ability to change careers. It takes being with the right, supportive, loving, caring, dynamite person to take a risk like this.

Ask yourself: who sharpens me as iron sharpens iron? I hope it is your husband or wife. If not, it is not too late to change this. You will be glad you did.

Mirror His Joy

My tip for today is if your husband is excited about something, you will do well to get excited too. Share his joy if you want him to be your boy. It is the kind of effort that comes more naturally in the dating process than in the life of a marriage, but I believe it should be maintained. Earlier today, I became fascinated by a tennis match he was glued to. I became enthusiastic about a "destination wedding" invitation from a couple he knows that he was jumping out his skin about. Sharing his excitement about the tennis match and the wedding made him feel appreciated, loved, understood, and valued. So do try this in your home as well. Don't misunderstand me, I love tennis and I love destination weddings. I am just suggesting turning up a notch your overt reaction to things to match his.

Aidan

I saw "Sex and the City 2" yesterday and it greatly impacted me. I don't think I am giving too much away when I say that Carrie runs into her ex-boyfriend Aidan while on vacation in the Middle East and kisses him, even though she is married to John. Her girlfriend Charlotte warned her that meeting Aidan for dinner all alone was playing with fire, but she ignored this wise warning. It made me think carefully about what I would do if I were on vacation without my husband and ran into an old flame. I wrote about it in my journal on the way home from the movie. I basically think that Charlotte was right. The way to avoid a mistake like kissing an ex, is not to play with fire. Carrie never should have met with Aidan alone because of their history. Aidan once wanted to marry Carrie and he considers Carrie, "the one that got away." If there is a danger of something inappropriate happening, you must be very careful and not make yourself vulnerable to slipping or straying or doing something you will later regret--something that would hurt your husband if he knew about it. It is all about honor. You must treat your husband with honor and show respect to your marriage. Part of that respect, is keeping any and all friendships innocent and platonic.

Accepting a Compliment

What stands out to me today that I would like to share is to graciously, and appreciatively accept a compliment. I was studying when my husband came home. I was wearing gym shorts and an ill-fitting Tommy Girl t-shirt. Plus, since today the weather was hot and humid, my hair was so frizzy that I looked like the "before" in an advertisement for anti-friz serum. Suffice it to say, I felt that I didn't look my best. Well, my husband did not share my opinion. The moment he saw me, he told me how pretty my hair looks. I started to contradict him, but I bit my tongue and expressed to him how much I appreciated his compliment. When someone loves you and compliments you when you don't feel you are at your best, do not correct the person. Simply say thanks and enjoy the moment.

The Billy Joel Factor

Billy Joel, in one of his most touching lyrics, says "She's got a way about her. I don't know what it is, but I know that I can't live without her." You want to definitely be that woman. Rueben had a hard day that really got to him in a bad way. He called me and was extremely upset. I said if he could hold himself together till he got home, I would make him feel better. "How,?" he asked? "How do you think," I replied with a playful voice.

I greeted him as he got home, wearing nothing but a robe. My plan was to cheer him up with a blow job, maybe more, as I dropped the robe, because that is a total mood booster. But it turned out to not be what he needed. What he needed was to be kissed, passionately at times, gently at other times and held. He also needed to touch me. I just went with his energy and did whatever it seemed he needed or wanted to do with me, to me, for me. This went on for about an hour. Then he whispered to me, "Thank you." I thought "She comforts me when I'm feeling down, and inspires me without a sound. She touches me. I get turned around." You want to be a comforting, supportive healing force to come home to after a hard day. There is a line in the erotic film, "Henry and June" where Anais Nin says to Henry Miller, "The world will give us plenty of beatings. What we need is each other's support."

God Doesn't Promise Us Tomorrow

My advice for today is to make the most of every opportunity. God doesn't promise us tomorrow. So if there is something you want to say to your husband, say it NOW. I was thinking about my husband this afternoon and realized what a blessing he is to me. As soon as the thought came to me, I sent him an e-mail expressing my deep appreciation to him. He responded that I am a blessing to him too. I am so glad we met and am mindful of the fact that I should never ever get too comfortable or take him for granted. He is precious and I cherish our relationship.

Absence

Off and on, all day long today, I have been thinking and writing about my husband. I am very much looking forward to seeing him tonight. We have a date to go out to the world's most famous jazz club, Birdland. It is a jazz club at which I have a goal of performing one day soon. I hope to perform there in a year or two, once more people are interested in me than are now. Anyway, I have been careful all day to keep contact with my husband at a minimum. I only sent one e-mail to ask what time we are leaving for the jazz club, so I know what time to be ready. I am a true believer that absence really does make the heart grow fonder. So being out of touch except for that one message can help us have a wonderful date tonight. I will let you know how it went!

Sparkle!

First, I must say how sorry I am that lately, I have not been doing my blog on a daily basis. It happened because my Intenet had been down, and finally works again today. Thanks so much for understanding.

Okay, now that that is out of the way, I must advocate having hot, naughty sex with your husband. You will both feel an adrenaline rush. I know we did last night.

When Rueben came home from work last night, I greeted him totally nude at the top of the staircase. He then began having his way with me right there on the staircase. Let's just leave it at that. Use your imagination!

I felt like it was our first hot, steamy encounter! It excited the living daylights out of me and cheered him up (he mentioned to me afterward that he had been a little down beforehand). It did wonders for us both, so I must recommend spicing it up. Or as Carrie Bradshaw would say regaining the "sparkle."

Speak Up

This morning, over breakfast, Rueben and I were discussing our day. We would go to church together, go to a farewell brunch with our dear friend who is relocating soon, then he would go and meet with clients and be home at 6 p.m. I would prepare dinner. Lemon pepper wings. Meanwhile, I would spend time with one of my girlfriends, do a little shopping, and catch up with my e-mails (including sending an mp3 of one of my best songs, "I Should Be Singin'" to one of my musicians).

A few minutes after Rueben got home, dinner was served. After dinner, Rueben started clearing the table. But as he walked back and forth clearing things away and talking to me as he did so, I became a bit uncomfortable when I noticed he was not clearing away MY plate, used napkin, fork, anything. I could have suffered in silence, but I believe in speaking up and letting someone know when I have a concern. I said, "I am finished too." He let me know that he had every intention of clearing my things away, but he just hadn't gotten around to it yet. Then he got right to it. I am glad I didn't just quietly wait and wait and make myself increasingly uncomfortable. If something is on your mind, say something. I wouldn't get upset or become a nag. Just be matter of fact. It will help your relationship.

Come Lie Down

In one of my songs, "Come Lie Down," I sing:
Come lie down
next to me
It's warm here
next to me
I'll erase all
the cares
that weigh you
down
I'll soothe you
soothe you

Well, Rueben could have easily sung those lyrics to me instead of the other way around. Tonight, I was weighed down by the world. I became overwhelmed while I was studying. I was so overwhelmed that all I could do was turn out the lights and climb into bed. And it was too early for that, that's for sure. It was only about 7 p.m!

I mustered up the strength, thank God, to take my BlackBerry to bed with me and let my husband know that I was depressed and overwhelmed and I needed him. He came to me. When he came in the room, I didn't want or need to talk. I didn't want or need to listen. I asked him to just be with me. All I needed was for him to lie down next to me and softly stroke my back again and again for about an hour. No words. Just a gentle touch. Finally, his touch transformed my mood and I was able to get up and write this blog. When I got up, I wasn't sure how to explain what had happened. But when I turned on the computer, I thought of "Come Lie Down" In another part of the song, I sing:

Come lie down
Collapse in my arms
You're safe, secure
here in my arms
I'll melt all
your cares away
I'll protect you
from the encroaching
world
Let me nurse you
nurse you

Rueben really did that for me. I felt so safe. I felt so secure. I felt my cares melting away with each passing moment. And I made sure to tell him so. Part of having a great marriage is not knowing exactly what to say. No. It is knowing when to shut up and let your body do the talking.

To hear an excerpt of the song and purchase it as an mp3, find me on www.cdbaby.com. On that site, there are two versions of the song available, the alternative pop version on an album entitled "Love Is," and the jazz version on an album entitled "Topsy Turvy." I recommend you get them both. Play them and entwine your body with someone you love.

Taking Care of Business

This evening, I finally received an urgent message for which I have been waiting several days. I received it while Rueben and I were sharing a moment. I had just entertained him by giving him a private piano recital, without realizing it. I thought he was busy doing something upstairs, but I turned around and YIKES! There he was. He startled me. Anyway, I had just gone to join him on the loveseat when my BlackBerry beeped. It was a message from the wife of a videographer with whom I am considering doing a project. He might film my very first music video. I will keep you posted.

Anyway, love is great, but sometimes business must be the priority. I left Rueben on the love seat and went to fire off long, detailed e mails about the video shoot to my lawyer, the videographer's wife, a fellow artist, and my photographer. Rueben did not complain. I thank God that I could go and take care of business without him complaining that I left him alone right after he got home. He accepts that I am an independent and hard working person, with lots of irons on the fire. And I respect him in the same way. Our relationship is based on a firm foundation of not only romantic love, but, more importantly mutual respect.

Joyous Reunion

This evening, I went to a socializing and networking event in my neighborhood, organized by a great woman who lives in the house right next to ours, Callia. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I was optimistic about how promising it could be. Callia set us up to organize the meeting and RSVP on the internet. It was to start at 7 p.m. at a nearby tavern. When I arrived, I grabbed a beverage at the bar, then walked over to the rendez-vous point in the back, by the pool table. It was just me, Callia, and a nice girl named MJ. I thought okay, don't worry. If you build it, they will come. Fast forward to 8:30, we had so many people there, that they had to bring more chairs for our group. We talked. We laughed. We had a great time together, and I got to invite everyone there to my next concert, June 12th at Drom (wwwdromnyc.com). I made new friends from my neighborhood, something that I love to do. There are great things to do in Prospect Lefferts Gardens, our neighborhood. Callia asked for Rueben, but I explained his demanding schedule doesn't make attending community social groups all that possible.

It would have been fun if Rueben had been there, but, heck, I had the time of my life without him. Part of what makes our marriage work is we spend time apart, then we see each other again in a joyous reunion, with lingering embraces and passionate kisses.

Getting Busy

I was minding my business, watching the ten o'clock news, when all of a sudden, Rueben jumped into bed with me and wanted to get busy. It was such a pleasant surprise that I immediately turned off the t.v. and had some serious fun with him. The funny thing is afterwards, he said that he had wanted me for days and it had all built up. I thought to myself, what? When? Oh well. I guess we have different ideas about seduction! That's for sure!

Appreciation

I think it is important to take pleasure in the simple little things that make you appreciate the one that you are with. One example is something that happened tonight. When Rueben came home from work, he told me that he had been so focused on exercising, that he had not had time to eat dinner. He was extremely hungry and afraid a Jenny Craig dinner would not be enough, but ordering salmon terriyaki from our favorite Japanese restaurant might be overdoing it, especially at the late hour of 9:30 p.m. I suggested a compromise: order one sushi roll and miso soup, and pair that with one of the selections from Jenny Craig. It would be the best of both worlds. He loved the suggestion, and proceeded to make it a reality. He thanked me for my input. It may not sound like much, but it meant the world to me that he would seek and follow my advice, and tell me how much he appreciated my help. I, in turn, appreciated that he wanted my input to begin with. So it was a win-win situation.

Don't Forget How Rough It Is Out There

This evening, I had an appointment with my hairdresser at her salon. While I was under the dryer, all of a sudden, I thought of John Jessop, if that is his real name. Let me explain. Several years ago, I had an exciting love affair with someone named Alister, who lived in the United Kingdom. We met through mutual friends. I abruptly broke up with him after just 4 months, as was my restless norm for years. I had one short relationship after another. Anyway, I after that relationship ended, I craved and missed the excitement of dating someone from overseas. So I changed the settings in my match.com account to be matched specifically with men from the U.K. One of them, who told me his name was John Jessop, charmed me over e-mails and, in time, phone calls. One thing led to another and he decided to come to New York just to meet and go out with me. I did not want him to get the wrong idea, so I reserved a hotel room for him, rather than invite a stranger to my home. But he was even more charming in person than he was over the internet and phone. Long story short, after I allowed myself to be seduced by him, he acted distant and just dreadful. So when he suddenly came to my mind today, I thought to myself how grateful I am to no longer be out in the dating world. It is rough out there. I am glad that Rueben and I met and fell in love and I no longer need to worry about the John Jessops in the world who act one way to get in your pants, then act in the opposite manner once they have succeeded to get what they are after. I think it is important to never forget what it is like to look for love in all the wrong places, so that I will cherish and treasure what I have in my marriage.

Time Apart

It is extremely important to the health and stability of your marriage to have a full life apart from the marriage. I do not agree with the lyric in "Make Someone Happy" that goes "once you've found him, build your world around him." If you build your entire world around a man, you are setting yourself up for trouble. It is with this belief in mind, that I spent the entire afternoon and evening with one of my closest girlfriends today. We met after church for lunch, went to a bible study group, took a long walk from West 120th and Claremont to East 90th and 5th, enjoyed a concert, took another long walk, and went out to dinner. I had originally planned to be home at around 7 p.m., but instead got home around 9 p.m. When I arrived, Rueben was waiting for me with open arms and had missed me. He fell in love with someone independent, with friends and lots of activities and commitments. Why should that change just because we got married? Exactly. It shouldn't.

Going Steady

Rueben and I went to a party tonight. We left early to spend time alone. While at the party, we thoroughly enjoyed each other's company. We kept smiling at each other, singing to each other, holding hands, and kissing again and again, as if we just started going steady. It was lovely.

Don't Keep It In

I was upset with my husband this evening, and was tempted to keep it to myself. But instead I asked to speak to him and told him how I felt. I am glad that we can talk like that. We worked it out and I was no longer upset.

He Put Courage Into Me

I have been taking a very intense, difficult online course. I have found it extremely challenging to balance my studies with my other responsibilities. Every single day, before I can move to the next level, I must pass a test. Today I got a respectable grade on my test of 80%. I was pleased. Then I looked ahead in the course to see how many chapters I have left. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that I am almost finished. I only have seven chapters left. I was glad to learn this. But in the very next moment, my happiness turned to trepidation. I was afraid that after I finish the course, I will fail the final exam, my licensing exam. The more I thought about it, the more my mood went completely downhill. I called my husband to tell him that I was depressed thinking that the exam would be too much for me. He encouraged me in the true sense of the word--he put courage into me. He said that all I had to do was not expect to know everything I have studied from one reading alone, and not to be discouraged when I take the similated exam and find that I fail. He said it is perfectly normal and I shouldn't allow myself to be discouraged by it. I should review my notes a few times, and I should do great. I felt so much better. It is good to have a partner in life that can help me to see what I can accomplish and that I can do great things.

A Keeper

The other day, I wrote to an old friend about the fun weekend I had with Rueben. She wrote back, "Husband? I didn't know you were married." Then I wrote back to her all about Rueben. She wrote back to me today that anyone who inspires a blog, a book (35 Ways to Marry the Man of Your Dreams), and songs, "Your Love Makes Me Love You," "You're the One," and "Heaven," is "a keeper." I couldn't agree more. Rueben is definitely a keeper. I knew it early on. I still know it now. And I let him know often how glad I am that he is in my life. He lets me know the same every chance he gets.

The Wind Beneath My Wings

I have been on top of the world lately, and Rueben has noticed. He told me today, via BlackBerry, how happy he is for me that I am so ecstatic. It meant the world to me that my happiness is his happiness. That is priceless. Absolutely priceless.

A lot of blessings have been coming my way. My best friend Kim is in town. My other close friend Mithsou and I are getting together this Saturday at what should prove to be a fantastic dinner party. Rueben and I have been having more sex lately (this is a great thing, as I am a sex maniac!) I am looking forward to a reunion with my great friend Hui-Tzu next month. I am looking forward to the biggest and best concert of my career June 12th at Drom. A television show called me to say they want to feature me. I will keep you posted on that one. I am on the radio (Jango.com). Just type in my name and you will instantly hear the song I sang to Rueben at our wedding. My online course has been going well and I am progressing nicely and steadily. And I just lost another 2 pounds this past week. I am a member of Jenny Craig. I go every week for an invaluable one on one consultation, but I rarely eat their food. I do my own version. Are you ready for this? I call it the Twinkie Diet. Eat lots of baby spinach with light dressing, whole grain cereal with fat free milk, and other wise choices, then end the day with one single Twinkie as a treat. Also make sure to exercise. It works like a charm. Today, I am celebrating 88 days since the last time I overate. I plan to return to an OA meeting soon to let them know what a difference Overeaters Anonymous has made in my life. So, you see I have a lot of joy in my life. It is great to have a life partner who cheers for you and is happy that you are happy. God bless, you, sweet Rueben. You are the wind beneath my wings.

Busy Schmizzy

No matter how busy I am, and no matter how busy my husband is, we always make sure we make time for each other. Today is a perfect example. From early morning till late at night, Rueben has been out and about seeing clients and doing other essential work to make his business prosper. All day, I took care of a million e-mails I needed to read and send, several calls I had to make, and places I had to go. But despite our hectic day, Rueben and I fired off e-mails to each other on the go via and spoke via phone. Reaching out back and forth by e-mail and phone on a regular basis is a great way to let someone know that you love him and he is a priority in your life.

A Team

I once read somewhere that TEAM stands for together everyone achieves more. It was more than ten years ago and I have never forgotten it. Today, my husband and I made a great team. We woke up together at 6 a.m., left the house at 7 a.m., and set off to our godson's apartment. My best friend Kim, her young son Joshua, and her older son Justin were to be ready at 7:30 a.m. awaiting our arrival to pick them up to go to church together. Kim asked me last night to call when I was on the way, so she would know when to come down to meet us in front of Justin's building. I called as she asked, as Rueben listened to the GPS on one of his BlackBerries (he has two). Long story short, Kim and Joshua finally came down at 7:50 a.m. or so. But we were just glad to see them. Because we were not upset about waiting, and instead were talking, laughing, singing and dancing in our seats, the whole experience was fun. Justin finally appeared about 20 minutes later. We were just happy to see them and didn't mind that they had kept us waiting. I think Rueben and I made a great team in what could have been a much different scenerio. I love that we fit together like Splenda and fresh strawberries. Delicious!

Just Because He Thought I Would Like It

In one of the songs I wrote for my husband, "Your Love Makes Me Love You," from the album "Topsy Turvy," the wedding vows I sang to him, I explain:

Everything you do is magic to me
Everything you say makes me happy
Everywhere we go is like a movie
You're love makes me love you.
Every time we kiss is just like the first.
When I'm in your arms I feel I could just burst
I do. I do. For better or worst.
Your love makes me love
Your love makes me love
Your love makes me love you

The whole song, only excerpted here, is a female version of the Police's "Every little thing she does is magic." I appreciate the way he loves me, how he always thinks of ways to make me happy. It could be something huge, like spending thousands of dollars to pay my musicians for the recording of my new CD, or something small but significant, like buying an unusual bottle of salad dressing, just because he thought I would like it. He did both those things. In fact, we invents ways to make me smile. By the way, the salad dressing was of a variety I had never seen before. It was Fat Free Wasabi Dijon. It tastes AMAZING on baby spinach. Absolutely mind blowingly delectable. After I finish my salad, I lick the plate! Don't tell anyone. That is just between you and me.

I e-mailed my husband that this afternoon, I finished the world's most delicious light dressing. He wrote back right away offering to buy more. He bought it just because he thought I would like it, and now he was offering to replace it to keep me smiling. But then it was his turn to smile. I know for a fact that he has been working extremely hard today and this demanding schedule shows little sign of abatement.

I e-mailed him we don't need any more right now. Instead I will use Newman's Own Sesame Ginger, which is also fantastic. Would I prefer for him to bring home the Wasabi Dijon now? Oh absolutely! But I have to think of what is best for him.