Never Underestimate the Power of Oral Sex

My husband and I both recognize that oral sex is a profound way to express love. Last night we both approached each other to engage in this fun, envigorating, and selfless way of showing how much we mean to each other. Let me tell you it is a powerful statement to make to someone, especially if you go at it until your mouth hurts! Now THAT is dedication! I would also recommend letting your partner come in your mouth. It is extremely flattering and erotic to do so. You are a fantasy come true when you "do for love what others only do for pay,"as I say in my song, "Your Complexities." There are many reasons why a woman or man would stray. One of the many reasons is the person's husband or wife wasn't into doing something sexually that is very important to their partner. I think that there should be absolutely no limits. So go down to keep things spicy and happy.

Make Up Quickly

Yesterday, I asked my husband out on a date. We went on that date tonight. It was so romantic. I wore one of my sexiest dresses, the same dress that I am wearing in my new music video that can be seen on You Tube, and my distinctive White Linen perfume. He noticed, and complimented me. We had dinner at our favorite restaurant, La Moutarde on Fifth Avenue, in Park Slope. That place has a wonderful atmosphere, great food, good service, and is always a great experience, plus it is always a treat seeing our friend, Bruno, who is the owner. After we left the restaurant and came home, he made love to me as the perfect ending to a romantic evening.

You would never know it, but earlier in the day, we had a sharp dispute and were very upset with each other. But we put an end to our argument by relying on God to help us to make up quickly. I wrote an e-mail to him that I did not want to argue any more because in the second chapter of Philippians, God commands, "Do everything without complaining or arguing." I am happy to report that that was the end of the argument. I am also happy to report that it was only our second disagreement in three years, not a bad record at all.

In the middle of an argument, try to find a way to stop arguing, as it is not worth it. Too much damage can be done by going on and on with a dispute. It is better to find a way to make up and make love than to stubbornly dig in your heels and make something out of nothing or make a big deal out of something that could be somehow resolved. I told Rueben that I love him and that I did not want to continue the argument. He agreed and that was it. When we saw each other for our date tonight, all the bad feelings were long gone and we treated each other like we were newly dating. We talked, we kissed, we enjoyed each other's company, and we showed that our relationship was more important than any disagreement.

Humilty

There is a scripture in the Bible that reads, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." This is great advice for dealing with strangers, friends, enemies, and with your life partner. When you consider your partner to be better than yourself and are humble with him or her, you do not hesitate to serve him or her. Having the heart of a servant will help you to show how deeply you love that person.

I will give you two examples from this afternoon. After church, Rueben and I went to the church cafe and got some lunch. After lunch, I grabbed my tray and his to empty them. He thanked me. I was glad to do it. I did it with a cheerful heart. Also, he bought a bunch of Jenny Craig food for himself this morning (we are both members). When we got home, he went to the bathroom. While he was in the bathroom, I gladly put all his food away. He came looking for me afterwards to express his appreciation. I think having the attitude of Christ will help us to have a strong marriage with happy years ahead of us. There is another similar scripture that reads, "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus, who, being in very nature, God, did not consider equality of God something to be grasped, but took on the nature of a servant." Amen! If God can serve me, the least I can do is be like-minded and be a servant myself.

Be Playful

Last night, when my husband and I went to get some sleep, We talked for a little while in the darkness of our bedroom, then we wished each other goodnight. We hugged and kissed each other then we closed our eyes to get some rest. But while Rueben started to drift off right away, I felt wide away and restless. Something made me start poking at him like we were kids playing a game or something. I poked his butt, his back, his butt again, and started laughing hysterically! He laughed too and said I was being mischievous. Then he suddenly started having sex with me. If I hadn't been in such a playful mood, this wouldn't have happened. We kept having sex, laughing, and talking. We just loved it.

Be Each Other's Fans

I often talk to others I meet about how wonderful my husband is. I tell people not only that he is great to me, which he is, but also about how intelligent he is. He does the same for me. That makes it easy for us to both share with each other our triumphs and challenges. Because we are each other's biggest fans, we always have support in all that we do and that we try to accomplish. Today, the first thing I thought to do after writing to venues around town to perform with my jazz band of all-stars was tell my husband all about it. I couldn't wait to share the news with him. He is my lover, my friend, and my biggest fan. I am his as well. I encourage you and your spouse to be each other's fans too. Cheer each other on. Pray for each other's success. And help each other. There is a great line from one of my favorite films, "Henry and June," in which Anais Nin says to Henry Miller, "The world will give us plenty of beatings. What we need is each other's support." This resonates for me. I hope it does for you too.

Little Things

There is an old saying that "the little things mean a lot." I totally agree with that. Grand gestures are romantic, sweet, and so wonderful. But little things day by day go a long way to making your relationship flourish. My husband and I both did little things today that we both appreciateed. Let me share with you what those little things included: we wished each other a great day when we parted this morning, kept in touch throughout our busy day via our BlackBerries, and greeted each other warmly at the end of the day. Little things like those can really draw you closer to your partner and add joy to your life together.

Bring Out the Best

Today, I was procrastinating instead of preparing for an exam I have to take this week. I knew I was going down the wrong path. In order to turn things around, I tapped away on my BlackBerry, reaching out for help from my husband. While I was in the middle of writing a message asking for him to talk some sense into me, I realized that what I really needed to do was pray, so I turned an e-mail to my husband into a prayer asking for God to help. Well, in the middle of that prayer, my mom called and told me to look at Romans 8:28-end of the chapter. It didn't ring a bell, but it should have. It turned out to be one of my favorite scriptures. It says many things, but the point is I am more than a conquerer with Christ's help. God intervened, but it really touched me that things turned around when I decided to write to my husband. It is great to have someone to turn to in times of trouble who helps to turn around difficult situations. If your spouse is having a bad day, can he or she count on you to help turn things around? Writing to Rueben helped me to realize what I should do is pray, and praying led to my mom calling, which led to the powerful, life-changing scripture. I am glad I can count on my husband to bring out the best in me and help me to do what is right.

Make Your Love Known

Just got back from going out to dinner with my husband, father-in-law, and sister-in-law. We had a wonderful time. One of the things Rueben and I did was talk about how we work on keeping our love always blossoming. It was lovely. I am very blessed to have him in my life, and he feels the same way about me. And we both believe in letting others know how we feel. His family knows I love him and my family knows that he loves me. We make sure to show our deep affection for each other and talk about it as well.

Patience

Usually, I am a complete sex maniac and can't get enough. But in the past couple of days or so, I just haven't been in the mood. I thank God that my husband has been patient through this. He has let me know when he has been interested in sex, and I have let him know I just wasn't feeling it. And the world did not end as a result! I am sure my usually insatiable desire will return. When it does, things will be back to normal. For now, though, I appreciate my husband's patience with me.

Serve Each Other

This afternoon, I was working upstairs, while my husband Rueben was watching television downstairs. I decided to take a little break and grab something to eat. When I went downstairs, I noticed Rueben was eating his lunch. He had a bowl of chili and a hearty salad. He was eating the chili with a fork, which I found strange. I asked him if he would rather have a spoon (I, myself, always eat chili with a spoon). He said a fork was fine. I pointed out that a spoon might work better because of the chili's liquidity. He thought about it and decided I had a point. He started to get up to go get a spoon. I told him I would get it for him. I immediately rushed to the kitchen, got a spoon for him, rushed back, and handed him a spoon. He thanked me. Then I went back to the kitchen to grab something to eat. I returned to the living room and we ate together. Even though he had a head start, we finished at the same time, because he had two items, while I had only one item--Wheaties. I am just mad for Wheaties. It is my favorite cereal and I often eat it twice a day. Anyway, when we were both done, Rueben volunteered to take my bowl and spoon and he washed them for me. I thanked him. It is great we could wait on each other like that. I highly recommend it. Serving each other is an excellent way to show how much you love each other and care for each other.

Express Your Appreciation

Today, my husband helped me a great deal. He patiently waded through the minefield that is putting someone (me) on Wikipedia. I thought it would take him a few minutes, but it was so complicated and confusing that it took him a whole hour. Even after all the time and effort, it is not a done deal. Now we are waiting for his submission to be approved. I pray that it will be approved. After he successfully made the submission, I made sure to express to him how much I appreciate his assistance. If your wife or husband does something nice for you, make sure to thank him or her.

Take Turns

My husband and I have been following the many developments in the BP oil leak disaster in the Gulf of Mexico. So we made a date yesterday evening to watch President Obama's address to the nation on this important issue. After the address was over, we watched commentary on the address and discussed our views on the issue. Then, my husband left the room for a moment. While he was out of the room, I became extremely interested in watching a new show I had been wanting to check out, "Losing It With Jillian." It is a show about a personal trainer and life coach coming to live in your house with your family and not only getting your family in great physical condition, but great psychological shape as well. When my husband came back, he graciously watched my show with me, without hesitation or complaint. To show how much I appreciated this kindness and courtesy, once the show was over, I was just as accomodating with him as he had been with me. The next thing we watched was a baseball game. I love baseball, but usually prefer to hear about games after they are over, rather than watch them in their entirety. They are just too long for my taste. Once in a while, I will watch an entire game, but only if I go in person, or if it is the World Series or some other crucial game. But it is good to take turns and have an attitude of give and take in any relationship. The next chance you get, take turns with your wife or husband, just as my husband and I did. It will bring you closer and make you appreciate each other more.

Pray About Your Marriage

Every single day, sometimes as often as three times per day, I pray that our relationship with God and with each other will be close, loving, and always improving. I never take our relationship for granted. The moment you take it for granted is the moment it can begin to unravel. Every day in a marriage you make a decision to make it work or let it go. And I should note that my husband prays about our marriage, and many of our family and friends pray for us too. The power of prayer is the greatest power in the universe. Feel the difference that power can make!

Show Affection

This morning in church, my husband and I, now and then, held hands, kissed each other on the cheek, and put our arms around each other. It was beautiful being affectionate like that. Little moments like that can really add up and mean a lot.

Love Songs Have New Meaning Now!

I just got home from doing a great jazz show at Drom, in Alphabet City, New York. I did a mix of my original compositions and jazz favorites, such as "Night and Day." I have been singing beautiful love songs for years. But tonight, it really hit me that the great lyrics to all those great songs I sang have a new meaning for me, now that I am finally with the right person. Love songs take on a new meaning, when you are with "the one." And believe me, I told my husband after I performed, how great it is to be with him.

The Pleasure of Serving You

A couple of days ago, I caught a cold somehow. Today, I felt weak and shaky, and had a sore throat. I called my mom and told her I was concerned about being sick the day before a big concert. She said what I needed to do was gargle with cider vinegar. I said I hate vinegar, thus never buy it and did not have any. She said to trust her advice and go get some. I reached out to my husband. I told him I didn't feel well and that cider vinegar would help. He bought some for me. I am glad I reached out to him instead of dragging myself out to find some myself. If you are in need, don't hestitate to tell your wife or husband. Your partner wants to be there for you when you are in need, so do not deny him or her that pleasure. By the way, mom was right. The cider vinegar worked wonders!

Go With the Flow

Last night, I had a disagreement with a close friend and sent her an angry e-mail via BlackBerry, as my husband fell asleep next to me. The disagreement made me very agitated, restless, and very awake. I tried to calm down and join my husband in dreamland, but it wasn't easy. Finally, in my heightened state, I took my BlackBerry, and held it up to his face. I wanted to look at him in the dark. He opened his eyes and called me a bad girl and then f---ed the living daylights out of me. At first, I was like, what's happening, but it was exciting so I went with it. Then he started spanking me for being naughty. I told him, "I am more of a spanker than a spankee," and reminded him that I used to spank a lover I had in the mid-nineties, but then I decided to just let him spank me since he wanted to so badly. It was one of the most erotic things we ever did. I am glad I went with the flow, because it was so stimulating and taboo! And although being spanked isn't really my "thing," my husband made it playful, fun, and very exciting. If your partner pushes your sexual boundaries, my advice is go with it. It might surprise you and you might both have a great time!

Never Too Busy

My husband and I are always on the go, with very demanding schedules, especially him. He is the busiest person I have ever known. But, one thing we both do, is make time to check in with each other and say a word of encouragement, an expression of love and affection, or to just check in for a brief moment. It keeps us connected, even when things are hectic. Today is no exception. I fired off a brief e-mail asking how his day was going. He wrote back that things were extremely busy, and he is looking forward to Friday, when they slow down. I encouraged him to hold on till Friday. I was freaked out yesterday morning, because I was having a particularly rough time. I reached out to him, and he encouraged me, even though he had a hundred other things to do. Never be too busy to show each other you care.

Be Vulnerable Sometimes

My advice for today is do not be afraid to be vulnerable to your partner sometimes. It shows a lot of trust that you would take a chance to show that you need him or her. This morning, I was having a very rough morning, when one thing went wrong after another. I could have suffered in silence. But instead, I chose to reach out to my husband for support, and he did not disappoint. It brought us closer together.

Don't Be THAT Person

One of the reasons Rueben and I get along so wonderfully is I let him do his thing, and he let's me do my thing. I will give you an example. Last night when he got home, my first priority was to let him know how glad I was to see him. I kept kissing him and flirting with him for several minutes. But then, I let him know that I was in the middle of doing some work for a client and needed to get back to work. He didn't complain one bit. He said he was going to watch sports. I didn't complain one bit. This is how we roll. You don't want to be that needy person saying, "spend time with me!" You will naturally spend some time together and enjoy each other's company. But it is just as natural to spend time apart on individual interests and commitments. I will give you another example. One of our favorite restaurants of all time is La Moutarde in Park Slope, Brooklyn. We have had many wonderful times there. Over the past few months, they have been closed for rennovations. I have been in touch with the owner, who is a dear friend of ours, asking for updates on the grand reopening. Finally, we got word that they are reopening today. But Rueben is not free till 9 and I am performing live at Birdland at around 10:30, and I am meeting my trumpet player at 9:30. So, I am having dinner at La Moutarde in the early evening, while my husband will be there late evening. We will see each other after my performance and compare notes! It is good to have a balance between time together and time apart. And it is always so romantic and lovely when we finally do have time alone together. It takes a special bond to have a connection like ours when our moments together are precious and few. And we have that special bond. The funny thing about tonight, is I think we will both feel a deep connection from both being at one of our favorite places, where we have had many happy memories, even though tonight we won't be together until quite late. I used to be in a very clingy, co-dependent, unhealthy relationship during which my ex would freak out any time I wanted to do something alone or with the girls. I no longer have that problem.

Greet Your Spouse Naked

All evening long, I have been working on a project for my best client. I am happy to take a break to write my blog. It is a difficult and challenging project. My husband worked all afternoon and evening himself. I have been working at home, while he worked outside of our home. Partly because it is hot where we live, but partly to be provactive, I have been working all evening totally nude. When my husband got home from work at around 9ish, as he said he would, I gave him something exciting to come home to. I often, but not always am naked when he comes home. I like to keep him guessing and keep things interesting. But I don't just sit here working in the nude, I give him passionate kisses upon his arrival and tell him to kiss my nipples. Spicy! I also like to do a stripper's shimmy/shake to make my breasts dance. If you feel too shy to try this, my advice is to get past your shyness and do something exciting for your partner to look forward to and think about. Sometimes my being nude when my husband comes home leads to sex, often it doesn't. Having sex is never the point. Being flirtatious and provacative is the point. I used to have a lover who would great me at the door naked. It excited me, so now I do it, remembering that I always loved it, and never ever got tired of it.

If You're Happy And You Know It...

When I was just a little school girl, I used to sing "If you're happy and you know it clap your hands. If you're happy and you know it clap your hands. If you're happy and you know it and you'd really like to show it; if you're happy and you know it clap your hands." This same mission to show happiness works wonders in a marriage. Rueben made me extremely happy today, and I made sure to show it and tell him. He paid my director and musicians so we could shoot a music video this afternoon near Strawberry Fields, Central Park, New York City. If not for his help, the project would have been indefinitely on hold. It would have taken me months to get the money together. He did it in days. He is amazing and I am so happy to have him. Instead of clapping your hands, tell your man! Or tell your WOman. Express your happiness and gratitude.

Let Your Partner Inspire You

One of the things that helps my marriage to Rueben be a happy marriage is the way he inspires me to be my best. Every single day, I do or do not do something, just because I am thinking about telling Rueben about it later. This afternoon was no exception. I was trying to transact some business at the bank and let's just say, it was not a pleasant experience. On the contrary, it was a maddeningly frustrating experience. I was attempting to cancel a safe deposit box, and they wouldn't let me do it, after keeping me waiting for one hour for no good reason (there was NO line). But I prayed for patience and calm and got through it. Part of what got me through it was thinking of my husband and focusing on what I wanted to tell him about the experience later when all was said and done. I wanted to tell a story in which I could be proud of myself and he could be proud of me. It is great to have someone in your life who inspires you to behave in an admirable manner.

Trust

I am so glad and so grateful to God to give me a husband who trusts me so completely. Trust is vital to any relationship, especially a marriage. I felt this trust quite strongly this afternoon when one of our tenants did something that was the last straw of many incidents. I gave her notice that she has until July 31, 2010 to move out and I wished her well in her future. I love that I could be confident that Rueben would trust my judgment and that I did not need to check with him first. We discussed her in the past and I was sure he would agree with my decision at this point. He trusts me so much. This is one of the many things I love and appreciate about our relationship.

Learn from the Gores

I was in shock yesterday afternoon, when I first read that Al and Tipper Gore have decided to separate after 40 years of marriage. They always seemed to be such a great couple. But being a great couple does not make you immune to growing apart and deciding to split up. I suspect that if I were a fly on the wall, I would have witnessed them slowly growing apart in recent years. I pray that that never happens to you. I pray that that never happens to Rueben and I.

I think we are on the right track. We work on and pray about our marriage every single day. We express our love to each other and our appreciation for each other without fail, daily. We strive to never get too comfortable or complacent. We strive not to take each other for granted. And we strive to grow together, not apart. Growth enriches life. But growth should be together, not apart. In the days, weeks, and years to come, I pray that as we grow as individuals, we will also grow as a couple.

Through the Wonder of BlackBerries

Today was an extremely hectic day for my husband and I with one appointment after another from morning till night. I had to exercise, go out to breakfast, go to the post office, go to the bank, take a sugar free Red Bull break, buy sheet music for my concert on June 12th at Drom (www.dromnyc.com), work with my voice teacher, exercise more, have brunch, make copies for a rehearsal, meet with my Jenny Craig counselor, have a cocktail, meet with my psychologist, go out to dinner, shop at Victoria's Secret, exercise more, and rehearse with my jazz ensemble. Through it all, I had to keep in touch with professional and personal contacts who touched base with me.

It was a full day from beginning to end. Rueben had back to back clients and other work to do. By the time he comes home from work, I will be in bed already. But with all our responsibilties, with all the demands on our time, we connected through the wonder of BlackBerries. We e-mailed each other updates on how are day was unfolding and told each other that we love each other. It was very sweet. No matter how much is on your plate, you must make time to reach out to your husband or wife. Never ever let a day go by without expressing your love. You will have a deeper bond day by day if you always strive to be close and make each other a priority.