Sunday, December 19, 2010

Appreciate the Little Things

Appreciate the little things. My husband and I never let an opportunity pass to tell each other that we appreciate each other. You know the song by the police that says "every little thing she does is magic...." Well that is the way you should treat your spouse. Every little thing he or she does is magic and you let him or her know you appreciate every little thing. Fixed breakfast. Thank you. Cleared the table. Thank you. Washed the dishes. Thank you. Found the misplaced BlackBerry. Thank you. Changed the radio station upon request. Thank you. Held open the door. Thank you. Did the grocery shopping. Thank you. You get the idea. Be grateful. It will strengthen your bond.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Get Away If Possible

These are difficult times for many of us, economically speaking. But if at all possible, I highly recommend a change of scenery to relight the flame of your passion. Rueben and I just did that and it did wonders for our relationship. All we did was eat, drink, sleep, have sex, read, and sunbathe (In Punta Cana). We also went for two hour long massages and a one hour long ride on the beach. I have dreamt of riding on the beach for YEARS. So it was wonderful to have a dream come true with and because of my husband. I am so grateful to him for that and will never forget it. If Punta Cana is out of the question, do your own version. You might consider a staycation instead of a vacation. Act like a tourist in your own town. Play hookie and have an afternoon delight. Find a way to be more intimate with your partner. You will both love it. I know we did.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Don't Wait for Romance--Create It

I noticed that my husband and I have not had much quality time together lately. Instead of just waiting for intimacy, I did something to create it. I e-mailed Rueben that I wanted to spend time with him. He called to say what time he would be home. Soon after he arrived, he made love to me in such a tender and loving way! So don't wait for romance. Do something about it. Keep those fires burning!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Speak Up

If your spouse does something that you don't agree with, do not suffer in silence or grumble about it under your breath. Speak up. Quiet reservations can fester and worsen.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Apologize Quickly

This afternoon after church and a bible discussion I facilitate, Rueben and I went to meet my friend Antonia for Sunday brunch. While at brunch more than once I found Rueben turning his head to watch football (it was a bar/restaurant with big screen televisions. I totally lost my cool. I snapped at him that he was being rude and told him if he wanted to watch football, he should leave our table and go sit at the bar. About a half hour later, I thought about it. Even though he was being rude, I didn't need to lose my temper like that, especially in front of someone else. I apologized and he accepted my apology.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Spend Quality Time Together

Our weeks are usually so hectic, that we hardly see each other except to say good morning and have a great day. But we do spend quality time together, especially on the weekends. For example, today, from morning to night, we were together and had a wonderful time. First, I prepared a delicious breakfast at about 6:30 a.m. Then we went to church together for a special event we were a part of. Then we went to see the powerful new film, "For Colored Girls." Then we went for a romantic dinner at our favorite restaurant, La Moutarde. It was wonderful spending so much time together and we cherished every moment.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Be Vulnerable

Recently, I experienced something that greatly disappointed me and it was written all over my face. Rueben noticed and asked if everything was okay. I said everything was okay. Later, I realized lying to him was a mistake and I needed to risk the vulnerability of sharing with him how I felt and what happened. I apologized for not telling him sooner and he accepted my apology and offered his support.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Don't Answer for Your Spouse

I recently got an e-mail from a friend asking if Rueben and I were available to do something. I politely asked the friend to not just write to me on such a matter, but write to us both. I would not presume to answer for my spouse, nor would I like it if he answered for me. It is important for both parties to maintain their autonomy and independence.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Hold Hands

There is something deceptively simple, yet profound you can do to express your love for each other. At various moments, when your spouse least expects it, take his or her hand. Rueben and I hold hands walking down the street, sitting in the car, in church, at parties, all over the place. It is a beautiful way to show caring and affection.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Befriend Each Other's Friends

From the time we first started dating, to the present day, Rueben and I have made efforts to be friends to each other's friends. This is one more way to show each other how much we love each other. We also love the people who mean the most to each other. I have become very close to his best man, Mark, and he thinks the world of my matron of honor, Mithsou. When Mark was going through a rough time, recently, I wrote to him and prayed for him. And when Mithsou experienced a near-tragedy, Rueben encouraged and prayed for her. Tonight, Rueben and I are meeting a newlywed couple that he has been friends with for quite some time. I am looking forward to our time together! It is a beautiful thing to love the people that each other loves!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Find Ways to Stay Connected

Rueben and I usually have extremely different schedules and hardly have time to spend together. So we understand the importance of finding ways to stay connected. Last night, I went to bed at about 8:30 and he got home much later while I was in a deep sleep. But we planned ahead for this. We spoke before I went to bed and wished each other a good night. Likewise, he got up early this morning, but I didn't get up until after he was already gone, so I sent him an e-mail, knowing he can read my e-mail on his BlackBerry. No matter how much our schedules differ, we stay connected.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Remember Your Spouse is NOT Psychic

This morning, I felt a bit anxious about something and wanted my husband to talk me through it and change my mood. He did and it worked. But it only worked because I told him that I needed him and helped him to help me. I asked him to talk to me and gave some possible topics to discuss. Some women would have suffered in silence and waited in vain for a conversation to start. Then they would have resented that their husbands did not meet their needs. But you have to remember your spouse is NOT psychic. How will he or she know you want to talk unless you let them know directly?

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Treat Each Other Like Gold

My husband is precious to me and I to him. We have great respect and affection for each other at all times. We always make every effort to show each other how important we are to each other. A smile, a laugh, a kiss, the holding of hands--little things go a long way to showing how much you love your wife or husband. And speak fondly about each other to others. It lets others know how happy you are to be with your spouse, plus fixes your mind, heart, soul, and spirit on your love.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Keep Your Word

Yesterday afternoon, Rueben and I made plans to have sex that night. We were both looking forward to it. He said he would be home at about 9:30 p.m. But when he got home I was wrapped up in a fascinating PBS special on religion in America. I was totally engrossed. I told him how engrossed I was and he watched with me. It was finally over at 11 and we had sex as we had planned. It was worth the wait. It was one of the best of all our times having sex over the years.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Apologize Quickly

I snapped at my husband this evening, but apologized just a moment later. What happened was my parents came for a visit. My mother was in a playful mood and asked for a beer (she almost never drinks at all). Anyway, at the time, I was busy serving dinner, so I handed the beer to Rueben and asked him to open it for her. He didn't realize that Samuel Adams is NOT a twist off, but, rather, requires an opener. He tried to hand it back to me saying an opener is needed. I barked at him to get up and get the opener. I was furious with him. But a moment later, I apologized for snapping. He accepted my apology. If you do or say something that requires an apology, don't hesitate. Apologize right away so the bad feelings cannot take hold of you or your spouse.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Pillow Talk

One of my favorite parts of the day is the end of the day, when Rueben and I go to bed. We lie together in the dark and talk about anything and everything that are on our minds. I look forward to that sacred, special connection I feel when I listen to Rueben, and he listens to me. While we talk, we often hold hands. We feel so close and connected during those times.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Love Your In-Laws

My husband and I enjoy showing love to our in-laws. We keep in touch with them as often as we can, and make plans to spend time with them whenever possible. Tonight, for instance, we are all going out to dinner together. We are looking forward to it!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Serve Each Other

My husband and I take turns serving each other. I fixed breakfast; he did the dishes. I cleared away his dishes at lunch, and he agreed to shop for groceries. I highly recommend acting like this with your wife or husband. It is a beautiful way to express love, not in word or tongue, but with actions and in truth.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Give Your Spouse Space

When Rueben came home from work, we talked briefly, kissed a lot, then he announced he was going downstairs to read. Any time that I want to be alone, he has no problem with it, so I decided to return the favor. He asked if it was okay with me, and I answered in the affirmative. I was tempted to go look for him, but I know that if I were in his shoes, I would not like that, so I did not do rhat. Instead, I just went about my business until he came back upstairs.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Let Your Marriage's Light Shine

I am fully persuaded that Rueben is the best husband in the world. So I am very proud of his status and share stories and comments about him every chance I get. Our marriage is luminous and I let that light shine brightly. A friend of ours at church has told us again and again what an example our relationship and what a delight it is to be around us. The thing is, we act around each other alone the same way we act around each other in a crowd. We respect each other, enjoy each other's company, love to laugh, and love to show each other affection. We talk easily about anything, whether politics, sports, money, our relationship with God, anything at all.

I recently started a career in the male-dominated field of financial services. So I spend my days with men, men, more men, and a few women. It is the kind of environment that would be a single girl's dream. But as a married lady, I have made it clear that Rueben is the one for me. I have mentioned him several times, and also have prominently displayed a photo of us at our wedding reception,along with
several romantic presents on my desk that he gave me for our first anniversary, which was on September 19th. I have done this so everyone knows I am definitely off the market and that love is a beautiful thing. Now that I have finally found a great love, I want everyone else to find it too.


Rueben and spent last weekend having one celebration after another. Friday was my birthday and Sunday was our first wedding anniversary. We went to Al Di La on Friday, the Citrus Grill (the site of our first date) on Saturday, and Battery Park Gardens (the restaurant that handled our rehearsal dinner and wedding reception) on Sunday. We also went to a concert on Sunday. And on Saturday, we exchanged anniversary presents. It was great to celebrate together all weekend long. We are both so happy that God put us in each other's lives. After a year of marriage and three years together, we still act like we just met. We are extremely affectionate and warm towards each other.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Keep in Touch

A few moments can go a long way. My husband and I both have extremely demanding schedules, but we always take a few moments throughout the day to reach out to each other. We e-mail each other about how our day is unfolding via our BlackBerries. If things are great we cheer each other on, and if things are not going well we spur each other on. It is so great that we can touch base this way and stay in touch with each other.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Be Considerate

Despite having a restful sleep last night, I woke up this morning feeling groggy. First, I hit the snooze button and rolled over. Then, I sat up in bed and mindlessly watched television for a few minutes. Usually, on Sundays, I am downstairs in the kitchen, preparing breakfast by about 8:40 a.m. But today, at that time, I was still trying to wake up. My husband became concerned and came looking for me. I explained I was having a hard time getting up. So he prepared breakfast and washed the dishes afterwards. This was so loving and caring and considerate of him. You see, we have a deal that whomever cooks, does not have to clean up, but he did both with joy and no hesitation. I thank God for such a wonderful husband! No matter what your arrangement is for the division of labor, be open to making adjustments to be considerate.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Say What You Need

Something spiritually and emotionally devastating just happened to me. It made me feel lost and alienated. I reached out to my husband for help dealing with it. He tried his best to help, but almost everything he tried just fell flat. At this point, some women would have just given up, thinking, "he just doesn't understand me." I was tempted to shut down and give up, but I knew that would hurt us both. So instead, I shared with him what I needed. We had a really great conversation about it and I also wrote to him about it. Now he understands what I need in case anything devastating like what happened ever recurs. So if you need something, speak up and say what you need. Do not expect your wife or husband to read your mind or figure it out. Help her or him to meet your needs. That way you feel understood, and your spouse will have the satisfaction of being supportive.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Let Romance Carry You Away!

This afternoon, Rueben and I let romance simply carry us away to some dreamlike state where everything was beautiful and nothing was impossible! We went to Bella Cucina for espesso, then went to the Cooper Hewitt Museum. We hugged, carressed, kissed, and held hands so often that it was impossible to count. We had an amazing time. After several years together, we still act like we just met.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Be Out and About

Never become that boring couple who falls into a predictable and complacent routine of staying in all the time. Instead, make and keep plans to be out and about. For instance, we went out with my cousin and his girlfriend to our favorite restaurant last night. Today, we went with my girlfriend to my favorite brunch spot, and tomorrow we are going to the Cooper Hewitt Museum. Sometimes, we just take a walk in the neighborhood. Other times, we go to a baseball game. We go out as often as we can. It keeps our relationship as fresh and stimulating as when we just met.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Be a Cheerleader!

Three really wonderful things recently happened in my life. I passed a challenging state exam, I found a new career, and I made up with my best friend after we had a sharp disagreement that threatened our relationship. I was extremely happy about all three. But Rueben was even more excited than I was! He told me how happy he is for me and how excited he is for me, and how he knows how much each thing means to me. So if your husband or wife has a victory or victories, share in his or her happiness! It will be very appreciated.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Do More Than Necessary

Recently, I e-mailed my husband asking him to bring home milk and, if he could find one, a new can opener. I added that the can opener was not urgent, so if he couldn't find one, that was okay. Despite my saying it was okay not to buy a new can opener, he bought one anyway. I was so touched that he went the extra mile. Some men wouldn't have made the effort. It is great to do more than necessary to show how much you love someone. Great and very appreciated.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Be Thoughtful

I have the best husband ever! This morning, he told me what time he would be home before kissing me goodbye. When his plans changed, he contacted me apologizing for the change and asking if it was okay. That is so thoughtful and I really appreciate this.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Create Fond Memories

My parents have been happily married for decades, and still are crazy about each other after all these years. They do things together, express their love for each other, and make love every chance they get. How do I know this? From my mom. We are extremely close and open. Nothing is off limits. She once told me, "Your father is a sex maniac." Hmmm. Nice to know where I got it from!

Not a day goes by that I don't try to follow in their footsteps and have the kind of marriage that they have. I have noticed that they share many great times that make for fond memories to look back on. So I try to do the same thing with Rueben. Rueben went away on business to Washington, DC for a week. On his last night in DC, I made the trip to see him, so we could have some romantic times, share in the joy of each other's company, and make love. I traveled 3 hours to see him. It was well worth it. I loved seeing him and creating fond memories with him. It was wonderful. I arrived on Friday evening via train, and we left together on Saturday late morning by car. Every moment was so special. He lovingly met me at the gate at Union Station and greeted me so warmly, so passionately upon my arrival. It made me feel great. Then we went out to have a romantic meal at one of the finest restaurants I have ever been to. Then we made love in such an erotic, yet tender and loving way. It was excellent. The next morning we had a wonderful brunch in the same fantastic restaurant, then we made the long trip back (it takes more time to drive than to take the train). We were not done with the memories. We had a fabulous time together in the car, talking, laughing, singing, holding hands, and listening to satellite radio. That's not all. We did not go straight home. We went on a date. Our first stop was a friend's barbecue, and our second stop was an upscale steakhouse. When we finally did return home, we thanked God for what a wonderful time we had. Of course we also praised the Lord for safe travels.

No two days together should be alike. Create fond memories to strengthen your marriage.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Share Your Faith

Rueben is out of town on business. But we still have been keeping in touch about our mutual faith in Christ. I told him how things went at our church, and he let me know how things went at the church he visited in the Washington, DC area. What he shared about his experience at church was very encouraging and inspiring.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Share That You Miss Each Other

This morning, the first thing I saw on my BlackBerry was a message from Rueben with a photo of him. The message was that he was thinking of me and the picture was a photo of him wearing a robe. He never ever wears a robe. But he wore one this morning to show he missed me. I was so touched. I wrote to him that I missed him and he wrote back that he misses me too.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Stay Together When Apart

My tip for today is to find ways to stay together during time apart. Rueben is on a business trip that he left for today, but that didn't stop him from calling me three times today. He called to say he arrived safely, to give me his hotel information, and to tell me how it went when he called my dad (it is my dad's birthday today). Talking to him that often really helped me to feel close to him even though miles separate us. Another thing that helped me feel close to him was thinking back about what he did the night before he left. The night before he left he made love to me in such an exciting way, that it was like being in a movie. That'll hold me during the nights alone!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Share Your Victory

I have been studying for a big exam for the past several weeks. It all came to a head this afternoon. The test was long and intense. It had 160 questions, most of which were worded in a confusing way. But I remained calm, I prayed for a miracle, and never gave up. The answers came to me one after another. I passed. I was so happy not only to share with Rueben my great victory, but I also let him know that I couldn't do it without him. I shared the news and shared the credit.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Recently, my husband shared my latest album, "Tospy Turvy," with a friend. This friend loved the CD and expressed a desire to help my music career. Of course, I thanked the friend for his support, but I also thanked my husband for sharing my music with him. My husband replied he was glad to do it. With Rueben, I feel anything is possible, thanks to his love, devotion, and support.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Small Gestures Go a Long Way

A few days ago, I was strolling down the street and came upon one of those Hallmark stores. I went in and asked if they have anything that says basically I love you so much and I am glad we got married. It was Hallmark. So of course they had a whole section for that! I read several, found the right one, added my personal touch, then left it with the day's mail. My husband was pleased and touched. Then yesterday, when he came to pick me up for our date (I learned from my happily married parents to never stop dating), he surprised me with a gorgeous bouquet of gigantic sunflowers (my favorite kind of flowers). Small gestures, a card, flowers, a love note, putting away the groceries, and other things that show you care can go a long way in ensuring your relationship is fulfilling and that it goes the distance.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Reach Out

I had a difficult morning this morning, and was tempted to suffer in silence. Instead, I reached out to my husband and he was there to help me through it. I appreciate that I am not alone. I am glad I was vulnerable enough to take the chance to reach out to him and I am, of course, glad that he responded with such love and support.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Share Great News Immediately

One of the marks of a great friendship, is also the mark of a strong marriage: when something wonderful happens, you want to share it with someone special. I experienced that today. Something really wonderful happened, and I let my husband know about it right away. He quickly wrote back to congratulate me. I appreciate so much that he is there to share my triumphs.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Go on Dates

This weekend, Rueben and I went out twice. We went to the movies on Friday, and we went out to dinner on Saturday. The movie was an extraordinary story about a married couple going through some issues, "The Kids Are Alright." And the dinner was at a romantic Italian restaurant on the Upper East Side. We had a magnificent time on both dates. I follow a great model in this regard. My parents have been in love for decades and still go on dates.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Be Attentive to Each Other's Needs

On Saturday night, I set the alarm for 6 a.m. because I wanted to prepare for an exam I am taking soon. The alarm went off, but I was in such a deep sleep, I did not notice. Rueben noticed but didn't wake me up. Later when I woke up, I told him if anything like that happens again, to definitely make an effort to rouse me out of my slumber. This morning, he woke me up before the alarm even sounded. I really appreciated that he was attentive to my needs. Also, I recently asked him to surprise me with a sexual advance when I least expected it. He really delivered on this need too. Being attentive to the needs of your partner can really help to strengthen your bond.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Make Time for Each Other

It is very important to, no matter how hectic your schedule, make time to spend with your wife or husband. This must be a priority so he or she knows how much you value him or her. This afternoon and evening, I had a lot to do, but took a break just to sit with Rueben while he watched a show about baseball and to have some salad together. These two simple gestures helped our relationship, as they let him know that I want and choose to spend time together.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Act Like You Are On Your Honeymoon!

Yesterday, my husband and I had an extremely busy day. At the end of it, we were both tired. We talked briefly, just to catch up. Then it was lights off, time to sleep. Then something made me get playful. Then something made Rueben respond by being just as playful. Next thing you know we had sex twice, like we were on our honeymoon all over again. It was fantastic. I highly recommend acting like this. Maybe every day would not be practical, but often enough to keep things fun and exciting.

Friday, July 30, 2010


Something has been on both of our minds lately, and last night we talked it out in great detail. We both listened to each other intently, with patience and respect. Some of it was difficult to say and difficult to hear, but through it all, we held hands and looked deeply into each other's eyes. It brought us closer. Afterwards, we made love. My message for today is communicate with your partner. Don't keep things bottled up inside.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Marriage Bed Should Be Kept Pure

My advice today is to keep the marriage bed pure (Hebrews 13:4). I have been told I am attractive by both men and women. As an attractive woman who does most of my work at home, I have ample opportunities to have an affair. But I have enormous respect for and appreciation for what I have with my husband, so I strive for purity. I got a vibe from a fellow artist that he was attracted to me, so when he invited me to his 11 p.m. concert, I made sure to bring my husband with me, to give a clear message of where my loyalty lies. It worked. His e-mails turned from flirtatious recently, to business-like today.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Agree to Disagree

Last night, Rueben and I saw the highly anticipated, star-studded film, "Inception," with Leonardo DiCaprio, Ellen Page, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Marion Cotillard, and others. My husband thought it was a masterpiece. I disagreed. I loved the stunning, jaw-dropping visual effects, and was mesmerized by Marion Cotillard's acting, but other than that, I did not like the film. I found the script to be poorly written. Rueben couldn't disagree more. He thought the script was excellent. We talked about our opposing views, and agreed to disagree. We did not argue about it. He loved it and would enjoy seeing it again. I would not like to see it again. Maybe parts of it, but not the whole thing. I thought it needed more editing and was needlessly long and tedious at times. The point is, Rueben and I agreed to disagree. We discussed our views of the movie for a few minutes, then moved on to other topics of conversation.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Never Stop Dating!

Rueben and I have extremely demanding schedules. But we always make time to go out together. This weekend is no exception. Yesterday afternoon, we went to the premiere of Angelina Jolie's new movie, "Salt." We loved it. We also went to Caffe Vivaldi to have dinner and to see my friend Jem Warren perform. He is a singer/songwriter. The show was excellent, and the food was good. But the best part was looking across the table to see my sexy husband! Tonight, we are seeing "Inception." I know it is Leonardo DiCaprio's movie, but I am more interested in my girl, Marion Cotillard. I have been obsessed with her since I saw her in "La Vie En Rose." Rueben and I also loved her in "Public Enemies." She is mesmerizing!

My message for today, is never stop dating. No matter how long you are with your partner, keep the romance fresh. Rueben and I have been together three years, but it seems like we just met recently. On our dates, we talk, we laugh, we hold hands, we kiss, we do all those little things that we used to do when we first met.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

I Could Have Sung!

In a song I wrote about and to my husband, I sing, "Everything you do is magic to me. Everything you say makes me happy. Everywhere we go is like a movie. Your love makes me love you." We had a date tonight, and I could have broken into song! We were so happy to be in each other's company and so proud of each other.

We went to a fund raiser for the Jack Brewer Foundation, supporting poor children of Malawi. The event was enormously fulfilling, since it was for a great cause, but it was also lots of fun. We donated money, admired art work (the event took place in our friend Eli Klein's gallery in Soho), and sat in the front row at a fashion show. I felt like we were in "Sex and the City 3."

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Great Minds

There is an old saying that "Great minds think alike." Well my great mind, and my husband's great mind, both decided to scrub the tub yesterday. I bought a large package of cleanser on the way home, and he bought a large bottle of liquid cleaner on the way home. Just moments after he arrived home, he took care of it. I was so pleasantly surprised! What a great match we make! I was so grateful to see that he took the initiative! I am so grateful. To be frank, cleaning the tub was overdue because I hate doing it, so it got sort of out of hand. Anyway, if there is something around the house that needs to be done, it is a great idea to go ahead and take care of it. Your spouse will be very glad that you did.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Help Each Other

In the second chapter of Genesis, Eve was created as a "suitable helper" for Adam. This is no small thing. Companionship and friendship and making love are all wonderful things. But what we are really here for is to help each other.

Yesterday morning, I was having a hard time waking up and getting out of bed. Because of my slow start, I did not fix breakfast, as is my usual practice on Sunday mornings before church. But Rueben did not miss a beat. When he saw I had not prepared breakfast for us, he took care of it! Afterwards, I washed the dishes. Yesterday evening, I helped some more by making a large batch of Buffalo wings--enough for us to eat for the next several days. And today, Rueben volunteered to talk to a friend of his on my behalf to help my music career.

I am Rueben's suitable helper, and he is mine. How have you helped your spouse today? If you struggle for the answer, not to worry. Just get right on that now. Think of some way to help, and act on it as soon as you can.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Don't Stand In Your Spouse's Way

Every Sunday, here is how it goes: 8:45 a.m. breakfast, 9:45 a.m. Rueben's Jenny Craig consultation, 10:45 church, then Rueben and I usually part ways for several hours with divergent activities. He has a quick lunch, then meets with clients, while I meet one of my girlfriends for brunch, then take a long walk, and do some grocery shopping. Then I catch up on my e-mails, write, study, and relax. Usually my husband and I get back together in time to watch "Hung" and "Entourage" on HBO. Great shows. Anyway, this afternoon, Rueben called to say his schedule had changed and asked if it was alright. The schedule change meant he wouldn't be home until the shows were both over. I said I did not want to stand in his way and he shouldn't worry about it. It is the same response that I would want if I were the one who needed to change our plans.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Talk Fondly About Your Spouse

I was talking to my girlfriend Mithsou this morning, just catching up with what is new,when we both suddenly expressed to each other how grateful we are to God for giving us great husbands. We have been friends long enough that we know each other's dating history, heartaches, and headaches. So now, we often talk to each other about how much happier we are now than years ago when we were still "out there." Our husbands are considerate, affectionate, and crazy about us. Who could ask for anything more?

Friday, July 16, 2010

Start the Day Right

Usually, when my husband wakes up early in the morning, I roll over and go back to sleep. Today, though, I got up with him. I am glad that I did. We had some quality time together of kissing, hugging, and talking--three of our favorite things. It was a wonderful way to start the day.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Press On Towards Your Goals

Last night, when we went to bed, Rueben and I continued our 30 days of studying Philippians experiment. We have a goal to read the entire book every day, no matter what. It is possible because it is a relatively short book. Today is my day twenty-one. I say "my" because I am one day ahead of everyone else. I started it one day, and the next day recruited my husband and two girlfriends to join me. We plan to compare notes after everyone reaches 30 days. Anyway, last night, instead of going straight to Philippians, I decided to look in my concordance to find a scripture I memorized years ago, that I felt could help my husband and I achieve our goals. I thought that we both just had disappointing weigh ins. He lost .8 pounds and was hoping for a bigger loss, and I gained 1.4, which is definitely going in the wrong direction. At Jenny Craig, slow and steady win the race. Any loss is a call for celebration, as we are going for "progress, not perfection."

Anyway,the scripture that came to mind that I thought we needed is "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death" (Proverbs 14:12). This seemed helpful because whatever we did last week seemed right at the time, or we convinced ourselves that they if were at least okay, if not right, but the results killed us. While I was looking for that scripture the Holy Spirit lead me to another very powerful one: "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands, the foolish one tears hers down" (Proverbs 14:1). This to me addresses the foolishness of self-sabotage. There are lots of moments every day when you are either wisely building something in your life, or foolishly tearing yourself down. I turned to Rueben with fire in my heart, saying, "Let's build ourselves up, not tear ourselves down. Let's be wise, not foolish."

Right there was a turning point. We decided from that point on, we will check in with each other about what we eat, what we drink, and how much we exercise. We will keep each other accountable and spur each other on, "being one in spirit and purpose" (Philippians 2:2b).

I told him today that we are in this together and we are going to have a great week. He had his doubts, but I have confidence in God and confidence in each other that with God's help, we can complete whatever we set out to do (Philippians 1:6).

A friend of mine once said that a goal is a dream with a deadline. Well, by each of our next weigh ins, I am convinced we can both have weight loss to be happy about, by forgetting the mistakes of the past, and pressing on to the successes of the future (Philippians 3: 12-14).

Monday, July 12, 2010

Make the Most of Limited Time

My husband and I have very demanding, and very different schedules. He often leaves for work before I am fully awake. But I make the most of our time together, especially at the start of the day. In my groggy, still dreaming, state, I make a point of turning to him and embracing him. I try to do this no matter how sleepy I am, so that he knows how much he means to me. I also wish him a good day. If your time together is limited in quantity, make up for it in quality.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Be Affectionate

This morning, in church, at various moments throughout the service and afterwards too, my husband and I embraced, and held hands, and had other public displays of love and affection. I have a great model to thank for these P.D.A.s I grew up watching my crazy about each other parents showing affection for each other in front of me and my siblings. That is not only normal for me, but desireable as well. Some people stop such displays a few years or even months after first meeting. But Rueben and I still do it after about three years together. And my parents still do it after decades together.

One of my favorite public displays of affection is holding each other cheek to cheek. I feel such warmth whenever we do that. It is so fun. It is like dancing.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

A Rough Time

When you are having a rough time, to whom do you turn? I was having a hard time this evening, with a long and difficult task. I called my husband for a pep talk, then successfully completed the task. It is great to have a supportive spouse to share joys and challenges.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Wait at the Cottage Door

Last night when my husband arrived home, I was in the middle of reading the Bible. My mother recently challenged me to read the entire book of Philippians every day for 30 days. Yesterday was day 15. But I was so wrapped up in other things all day yesterday, that at the end of the evening, I found that I hadn't done my reading yet. Obviously, my relationship with God is more important than my relationship with my husband, because without the former, I would not have the latter. But on the other hand, Rueben should not have to wait for me to finish reading when he just came home. So I postponed finishing my reading until a half hour after Rueben arrived. I put myself in his place and knew that if I had just come home, I would want some time with him.

Putting yourself in your spouse's place is an important part of having a harmonious relationship. I prayed for God to forgive me for, in this instance, putting Rueben first. I trust that since, I am usually much better about putting God first, that this one slip up would be forgiven and He would bless our time together. He did. We talked, we held hands, we kissed, we hugged, we watched a comedy, we laughed together, and it was all so lovely.

Then I not only read Philippians, but several other scriptures as well, spending quality time with the Lord. After a fruitful time in the Bible, I went back to focusing on my husband. He appreciated it and started stroking my back, which was soothing and relaxing. I had told him I wasn't sleepy, but knew I needed sleep, so he did what he could to make me sleepy. It worked.

In the future, I will be more careful about how I spend my time. There is no good reason why I was faced with the dilema of God versus husband. I spent too much of the afternoon and evening in front of the television. In the future, I will use my time more wisely. But when I decided to put off my Bible study for 30 minutes while connecting with my husband, I did so because I reasoned that two wrongs don't make a right. Why should my husband not be able to spend time with me when he got home, because of my poor planning? It is important to let your spouse know that he or she is important to you and that you miss him or her when you are apart. There is a line from one of my favorite songs, "Just imagine someone, waiting at the cottage door, where two hearts become one. Who could ask for anything more?" This is from "Nice Work if You Can Get It." When you are the one who is home first, be great to come home to, as often as possible. Try to avoid being wrapped up in something when your spouse arrives.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Spur Each Other On

My husband and I could both stand to lose some weight, which is why we are both members of Jenny Craig. We have both lost weight on the program, but sometimes have setbacks and struggles. His weigh in is every Sunday and mine is every Tuesday. Both our weigh ins this week had disappointing results. We both gained about 2 pounds each. I was reflecting last night on our bad results and realized that part of the issue is that even though we are both on the program, we hardly ever talk about it together. I know. Duh, right?

So yesterday, I wrote a long e-mail to Rueben, telling him that just as we check in with each other every day about many different issues, I think we should include our journey to being fit and healthy. He agreed this is a good idea. So today, we started. I shared how long I worked out (20 minutes) and the wise food and drink choices that I made. He let me know his eating habits so far this week and how he has been feeling.

I feel more than ever like we are in it together and will spur each other on towards success.

Monday, July 5, 2010


Hope you had a wonderful Fourth of July! Mine was great. My husband and I went to church, lunch, and two parties. The first party was a birthday party for my girlfriend and flute player Elise Wood. It was fun. There was great food, good wine, wonderful music, and great conversation with fantastic people. And my husband struck the right balance between sticking with me and letting me do my own thing. I like to spend some time together and some time apart, in general and at social gatherings. We did both at Elise's place and that made me very happy. It is very healthy to strike the right balance between time together and time apart. We left Elise's birthday party in midtown and went to my husband's friend Josh's rooftop barbecue in Jersey City. It had fantastic food, a breathtaking view, and friendly people. Rueben and I had a good time at the barbecue, but I preferred the birthday party. Anyway, my tip for today, is maintain some autonomy at a party. Do NOT be attached at the hip. It is not healthy.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

The Last Dance

This afternoon something really awful happened that made me lose heart. I felt really down and discouraged. It was because I preformed poorly on an exam that I took. I tried to tell my husband how badly I felt, but instead I said very little and unfairly expected him to comfort me in my hour of need. But since I said very little about how I was feeling and he is not psychic, he did not comfort me in the way I longed for. At that point, I did something very unfair. I turned my anger at the situation into anger towards him and stormed off cursing him under my breath! It was quite crude. I called him a f----ing selfish piece of sh--. But a few minutes later, I thought better of it. I told him plainly the impact that my dismal grade had on me and he came to me and put his arms around me. We talked together and prayed together until my mood improved. And I didn't just talk about how I felt. I confessed the sin of cursing him like that and apologized to him for it.

Do not make my initial mistake of not being open, then expecting your spouse to read your mind. That is just unfair and foolish. Be direct. Say, "I need you by me, beside me to guide me, to hold me and to scold me. 'Cause when I'm bad I am so so bad." I am sorry Donna Summer. It just felt right.

Seriously, if there is something you need, say so. Rueben and I spoke about it and he basically said that when I told him I failed my exam, he did not know what to say, plus he knows me to be a woman of great tenacity so he thought I would just get right back on the horse. But I told him, I needed him to help me back onto the horse and that even if he wasn't sure what to say, if nothing else, when (not if) somthing like this happens again, he should simply be with me so I am not alone in my torment.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Comfort and Joy

I was very discouraged last night because I did not do well on an exam that I recently took. My poor performance depressed me and made me feel overwhelmed and unwilling to get back on the horse and try again. But thank God for my husband. When I ocnfided in him how I was feeling, he took me into his arms and gently stroked my back for a long, long time. I am not sure how long it was, but he just kept doing it until he soothed me, comforted me, and helped me to feel joy in contentment. It reminded me of my song, "Come Lie Down," in which I sing "I'll protect you from the encroaching world...I'll soothe you..." But I was the one being soothed. I was the one being protected. Sometimes things happen that can be discouraging. But thank God that at those times, we can find comfort and joy in each other's arms.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Forgive and DON'T Forget

I have forgiven exes for the terrible things they did to me and the hurt they put me through. But thank God I have not forgotten what it is like to be out there in the dating world. It is good not to forget, because remembering makes me appreciate what I have with my husband all the more. For instance, I was spending the morning and afternoon today with one of my dearest friends, her husband, and their son. I told my friend how much I appreciate how well I get along with my husband. We get along so well that in three years of knowing him, we have only had two disagreements. That is an excellent record. But with the person I almost married a few years ago, we would get into HEATED, destructive arguments every few days. And we would keep repeating a pattern of breaking up, and making up, and breaking up and making up, over and over. Talk about drama! It was so draining and unhealthy. We broke up so many times in our four years together, that I lost count! Or another ex wanted to force me to marry him by getting me pregnant. He pretended he had a condom on one night, but he actually did not. Thank God I neither got pregnant, nor caught anything. You get the idea. I have forgiven all the pain caused by various things exes have done. But I will never forget. The day I forget, is the day I am vulnerable to the dangerous practice of taking my husband and the great relationship we have for granted. Recently, during the Sunday sermon at church, the preacher pointed out that the popular saying "Forgive and forget" is NOT in the bible. On the contrary. Usually when the word "forget" appears in scripture, the command is to NOT forget. It is definitely worth thinking about!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Never Underestimate the Power of Oral Sex

My husband and I both recognize that oral sex is a profound way to express love. Last night we both approached each other to engage in this fun, envigorating, and selfless way of showing how much we mean to each other. Let me tell you it is a powerful statement to make to someone, especially if you go at it until your mouth hurts! Now THAT is dedication! I would also recommend letting your partner come in your mouth. It is extremely flattering and erotic to do so. You are a fantasy come true when you "do for love what others only do for pay,"as I say in my song, "Your Complexities." There are many reasons why a woman or man would stray. One of the many reasons is the person's husband or wife wasn't into doing something sexually that is very important to their partner. I think that there should be absolutely no limits. So go down to keep things spicy and happy.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Make Up Quickly

Yesterday, I asked my husband out on a date. We went on that date tonight. It was so romantic. I wore one of my sexiest dresses, the same dress that I am wearing in my new music video that can be seen on You Tube, and my distinctive White Linen perfume. He noticed, and complimented me. We had dinner at our favorite restaurant, La Moutarde on Fifth Avenue, in Park Slope. That place has a wonderful atmosphere, great food, good service, and is always a great experience, plus it is always a treat seeing our friend, Bruno, who is the owner. After we left the restaurant and came home, he made love to me as the perfect ending to a romantic evening.

You would never know it, but earlier in the day, we had a sharp dispute and were very upset with each other. But we put an end to our argument by relying on God to help us to make up quickly. I wrote an e-mail to him that I did not want to argue any more because in the second chapter of Philippians, God commands, "Do everything without complaining or arguing." I am happy to report that that was the end of the argument. I am also happy to report that it was only our second disagreement in three years, not a bad record at all.

In the middle of an argument, try to find a way to stop arguing, as it is not worth it. Too much damage can be done by going on and on with a dispute. It is better to find a way to make up and make love than to stubbornly dig in your heels and make something out of nothing or make a big deal out of something that could be somehow resolved. I told Rueben that I love him and that I did not want to continue the argument. He agreed and that was it. When we saw each other for our date tonight, all the bad feelings were long gone and we treated each other like we were newly dating. We talked, we kissed, we enjoyed each other's company, and we showed that our relationship was more important than any disagreement.

Sunday, June 27, 2010


There is a scripture in the Bible that reads, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." This is great advice for dealing with strangers, friends, enemies, and with your life partner. When you consider your partner to be better than yourself and are humble with him or her, you do not hesitate to serve him or her. Having the heart of a servant will help you to show how deeply you love that person.

I will give you two examples from this afternoon. After church, Rueben and I went to the church cafe and got some lunch. After lunch, I grabbed my tray and his to empty them. He thanked me. I was glad to do it. I did it with a cheerful heart. Also, he bought a bunch of Jenny Craig food for himself this morning (we are both members). When we got home, he went to the bathroom. While he was in the bathroom, I gladly put all his food away. He came looking for me afterwards to express his appreciation. I think having the attitude of Christ will help us to have a strong marriage with happy years ahead of us. There is another similar scripture that reads, "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus, who, being in very nature, God, did not consider equality of God something to be grasped, but took on the nature of a servant." Amen! If God can serve me, the least I can do is be like-minded and be a servant myself.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Be Playful

Last night, when my husband and I went to get some sleep, We talked for a little while in the darkness of our bedroom, then we wished each other goodnight. We hugged and kissed each other then we closed our eyes to get some rest. But while Rueben started to drift off right away, I felt wide away and restless. Something made me start poking at him like we were kids playing a game or something. I poked his butt, his back, his butt again, and started laughing hysterically! He laughed too and said I was being mischievous. Then he suddenly started having sex with me. If I hadn't been in such a playful mood, this wouldn't have happened. We kept having sex, laughing, and talking. We just loved it.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Be Each Other's Fans

I often talk to others I meet about how wonderful my husband is. I tell people not only that he is great to me, which he is, but also about how intelligent he is. He does the same for me. That makes it easy for us to both share with each other our triumphs and challenges. Because we are each other's biggest fans, we always have support in all that we do and that we try to accomplish. Today, the first thing I thought to do after writing to venues around town to perform with my jazz band of all-stars was tell my husband all about it. I couldn't wait to share the news with him. He is my lover, my friend, and my biggest fan. I am his as well. I encourage you and your spouse to be each other's fans too. Cheer each other on. Pray for each other's success. And help each other. There is a great line from one of my favorite films, "Henry and June," in which Anais Nin says to Henry Miller, "The world will give us plenty of beatings. What we need is each other's support." This resonates for me. I hope it does for you too.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Little Things

There is an old saying that "the little things mean a lot." I totally agree with that. Grand gestures are romantic, sweet, and so wonderful. But little things day by day go a long way to making your relationship flourish. My husband and I both did little things today that we both appreciateed. Let me share with you what those little things included: we wished each other a great day when we parted this morning, kept in touch throughout our busy day via our BlackBerries, and greeted each other warmly at the end of the day. Little things like those can really draw you closer to your partner and add joy to your life together.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Bring Out the Best

Today, I was procrastinating instead of preparing for an exam I have to take this week. I knew I was going down the wrong path. In order to turn things around, I tapped away on my BlackBerry, reaching out for help from my husband. While I was in the middle of writing a message asking for him to talk some sense into me, I realized that what I really needed to do was pray, so I turned an e-mail to my husband into a prayer asking for God to help. Well, in the middle of that prayer, my mom called and told me to look at Romans 8:28-end of the chapter. It didn't ring a bell, but it should have. It turned out to be one of my favorite scriptures. It says many things, but the point is I am more than a conquerer with Christ's help. God intervened, but it really touched me that things turned around when I decided to write to my husband. It is great to have someone to turn to in times of trouble who helps to turn around difficult situations. If your spouse is having a bad day, can he or she count on you to help turn things around? Writing to Rueben helped me to realize what I should do is pray, and praying led to my mom calling, which led to the powerful, life-changing scripture. I am glad I can count on my husband to bring out the best in me and help me to do what is right.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Make Your Love Known

Just got back from going out to dinner with my husband, father-in-law, and sister-in-law. We had a wonderful time. One of the things Rueben and I did was talk about how we work on keeping our love always blossoming. It was lovely. I am very blessed to have him in my life, and he feels the same way about me. And we both believe in letting others know how we feel. His family knows I love him and my family knows that he loves me. We make sure to show our deep affection for each other and talk about it as well.

Saturday, June 19, 2010


Usually, I am a complete sex maniac and can't get enough. But in the past couple of days or so, I just haven't been in the mood. I thank God that my husband has been patient through this. He has let me know when he has been interested in sex, and I have let him know I just wasn't feeling it. And the world did not end as a result! I am sure my usually insatiable desire will return. When it does, things will be back to normal. For now, though, I appreciate my husband's patience with me.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Serve Each Other

This afternoon, I was working upstairs, while my husband Rueben was watching television downstairs. I decided to take a little break and grab something to eat. When I went downstairs, I noticed Rueben was eating his lunch. He had a bowl of chili and a hearty salad. He was eating the chili with a fork, which I found strange. I asked him if he would rather have a spoon (I, myself, always eat chili with a spoon). He said a fork was fine. I pointed out that a spoon might work better because of the chili's liquidity. He thought about it and decided I had a point. He started to get up to go get a spoon. I told him I would get it for him. I immediately rushed to the kitchen, got a spoon for him, rushed back, and handed him a spoon. He thanked me. Then I went back to the kitchen to grab something to eat. I returned to the living room and we ate together. Even though he had a head start, we finished at the same time, because he had two items, while I had only one item--Wheaties. I am just mad for Wheaties. It is my favorite cereal and I often eat it twice a day. Anyway, when we were both done, Rueben volunteered to take my bowl and spoon and he washed them for me. I thanked him. It is great we could wait on each other like that. I highly recommend it. Serving each other is an excellent way to show how much you love each other and care for each other.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Express Your Appreciation

Today, my husband helped me a great deal. He patiently waded through the minefield that is putting someone (me) on Wikipedia. I thought it would take him a few minutes, but it was so complicated and confusing that it took him a whole hour. Even after all the time and effort, it is not a done deal. Now we are waiting for his submission to be approved. I pray that it will be approved. After he successfully made the submission, I made sure to express to him how much I appreciate his assistance. If your wife or husband does something nice for you, make sure to thank him or her.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Take Turns

My husband and I have been following the many developments in the BP oil leak disaster in the Gulf of Mexico. So we made a date yesterday evening to watch President Obama's address to the nation on this important issue. After the address was over, we watched commentary on the address and discussed our views on the issue. Then, my husband left the room for a moment. While he was out of the room, I became extremely interested in watching a new show I had been wanting to check out, "Losing It With Jillian." It is a show about a personal trainer and life coach coming to live in your house with your family and not only getting your family in great physical condition, but great psychological shape as well. When my husband came back, he graciously watched my show with me, without hesitation or complaint. To show how much I appreciated this kindness and courtesy, once the show was over, I was just as accomodating with him as he had been with me. The next thing we watched was a baseball game. I love baseball, but usually prefer to hear about games after they are over, rather than watch them in their entirety. They are just too long for my taste. Once in a while, I will watch an entire game, but only if I go in person, or if it is the World Series or some other crucial game. But it is good to take turns and have an attitude of give and take in any relationship. The next chance you get, take turns with your wife or husband, just as my husband and I did. It will bring you closer and make you appreciate each other more.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Pray About Your Marriage

Every single day, sometimes as often as three times per day, I pray that our relationship with God and with each other will be close, loving, and always improving. I never take our relationship for granted. The moment you take it for granted is the moment it can begin to unravel. Every day in a marriage you make a decision to make it work or let it go. And I should note that my husband prays about our marriage, and many of our family and friends pray for us too. The power of prayer is the greatest power in the universe. Feel the difference that power can make!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Show Affection

This morning in church, my husband and I, now and then, held hands, kissed each other on the cheek, and put our arms around each other. It was beautiful being affectionate like that. Little moments like that can really add up and mean a lot.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Love Songs Have New Meaning Now!

I just got home from doing a great jazz show at Drom, in Alphabet City, New York. I did a mix of my original compositions and jazz favorites, such as "Night and Day." I have been singing beautiful love songs for years. But tonight, it really hit me that the great lyrics to all those great songs I sang have a new meaning for me, now that I am finally with the right person. Love songs take on a new meaning, when you are with "the one." And believe me, I told my husband after I performed, how great it is to be with him.

Friday, June 11, 2010

The Pleasure of Serving You

A couple of days ago, I caught a cold somehow. Today, I felt weak and shaky, and had a sore throat. I called my mom and told her I was concerned about being sick the day before a big concert. She said what I needed to do was gargle with cider vinegar. I said I hate vinegar, thus never buy it and did not have any. She said to trust her advice and go get some. I reached out to my husband. I told him I didn't feel well and that cider vinegar would help. He bought some for me. I am glad I reached out to him instead of dragging myself out to find some myself. If you are in need, don't hestitate to tell your wife or husband. Your partner wants to be there for you when you are in need, so do not deny him or her that pleasure. By the way, mom was right. The cider vinegar worked wonders!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Go With the Flow

Last night, I had a disagreement with a close friend and sent her an angry e-mail via BlackBerry, as my husband fell asleep next to me. The disagreement made me very agitated, restless, and very awake. I tried to calm down and join my husband in dreamland, but it wasn't easy. Finally, in my heightened state, I took my BlackBerry, and held it up to his face. I wanted to look at him in the dark. He opened his eyes and called me a bad girl and then f---ed the living daylights out of me. At first, I was like, what's happening, but it was exciting so I went with it. Then he started spanking me for being naughty. I told him, "I am more of a spanker than a spankee," and reminded him that I used to spank a lover I had in the mid-nineties, but then I decided to just let him spank me since he wanted to so badly. It was one of the most erotic things we ever did. I am glad I went with the flow, because it was so stimulating and taboo! And although being spanked isn't really my "thing," my husband made it playful, fun, and very exciting. If your partner pushes your sexual boundaries, my advice is go with it. It might surprise you and you might both have a great time!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Never Too Busy

My husband and I are always on the go, with very demanding schedules, especially him. He is the busiest person I have ever known. But, one thing we both do, is make time to check in with each other and say a word of encouragement, an expression of love and affection, or to just check in for a brief moment. It keeps us connected, even when things are hectic. Today is no exception. I fired off a brief e-mail asking how his day was going. He wrote back that things were extremely busy, and he is looking forward to Friday, when they slow down. I encouraged him to hold on till Friday. I was freaked out yesterday morning, because I was having a particularly rough time. I reached out to him, and he encouraged me, even though he had a hundred other things to do. Never be too busy to show each other you care.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Be Vulnerable Sometimes

My advice for today is do not be afraid to be vulnerable to your partner sometimes. It shows a lot of trust that you would take a chance to show that you need him or her. This morning, I was having a very rough morning, when one thing went wrong after another. I could have suffered in silence. But instead, I chose to reach out to my husband for support, and he did not disappoint. It brought us closer together.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Don't Be THAT Person

One of the reasons Rueben and I get along so wonderfully is I let him do his thing, and he let's me do my thing. I will give you an example. Last night when he got home, my first priority was to let him know how glad I was to see him. I kept kissing him and flirting with him for several minutes. But then, I let him know that I was in the middle of doing some work for a client and needed to get back to work. He didn't complain one bit. He said he was going to watch sports. I didn't complain one bit. This is how we roll. You don't want to be that needy person saying, "spend time with me!" You will naturally spend some time together and enjoy each other's company. But it is just as natural to spend time apart on individual interests and commitments. I will give you another example. One of our favorite restaurants of all time is La Moutarde in Park Slope, Brooklyn. We have had many wonderful times there. Over the past few months, they have been closed for rennovations. I have been in touch with the owner, who is a dear friend of ours, asking for updates on the grand reopening. Finally, we got word that they are reopening today. But Rueben is not free till 9 and I am performing live at Birdland at around 10:30, and I am meeting my trumpet player at 9:30. So, I am having dinner at La Moutarde in the early evening, while my husband will be there late evening. We will see each other after my performance and compare notes! It is good to have a balance between time together and time apart. And it is always so romantic and lovely when we finally do have time alone together. It takes a special bond to have a connection like ours when our moments together are precious and few. And we have that special bond. The funny thing about tonight, is I think we will both feel a deep connection from both being at one of our favorite places, where we have had many happy memories, even though tonight we won't be together until quite late. I used to be in a very clingy, co-dependent, unhealthy relationship during which my ex would freak out any time I wanted to do something alone or with the girls. I no longer have that problem.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Greet Your Spouse Naked

All evening long, I have been working on a project for my best client. I am happy to take a break to write my blog. It is a difficult and challenging project. My husband worked all afternoon and evening himself. I have been working at home, while he worked outside of our home. Partly because it is hot where we live, but partly to be provactive, I have been working all evening totally nude. When my husband got home from work at around 9ish, as he said he would, I gave him something exciting to come home to. I often, but not always am naked when he comes home. I like to keep him guessing and keep things interesting. But I don't just sit here working in the nude, I give him passionate kisses upon his arrival and tell him to kiss my nipples. Spicy! I also like to do a stripper's shimmy/shake to make my breasts dance. If you feel too shy to try this, my advice is to get past your shyness and do something exciting for your partner to look forward to and think about. Sometimes my being nude when my husband comes home leads to sex, often it doesn't. Having sex is never the point. Being flirtatious and provacative is the point. I used to have a lover who would great me at the door naked. It excited me, so now I do it, remembering that I always loved it, and never ever got tired of it.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

If You're Happy And You Know It...

When I was just a little school girl, I used to sing "If you're happy and you know it clap your hands. If you're happy and you know it clap your hands. If you're happy and you know it and you'd really like to show it; if you're happy and you know it clap your hands." This same mission to show happiness works wonders in a marriage. Rueben made me extremely happy today, and I made sure to show it and tell him. He paid my director and musicians so we could shoot a music video this afternoon near Strawberry Fields, Central Park, New York City. If not for his help, the project would have been indefinitely on hold. It would have taken me months to get the money together. He did it in days. He is amazing and I am so happy to have him. Instead of clapping your hands, tell your man! Or tell your WOman. Express your happiness and gratitude.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Let Your Partner Inspire You

One of the things that helps my marriage to Rueben be a happy marriage is the way he inspires me to be my best. Every single day, I do or do not do something, just because I am thinking about telling Rueben about it later. This afternoon was no exception. I was trying to transact some business at the bank and let's just say, it was not a pleasant experience. On the contrary, it was a maddeningly frustrating experience. I was attempting to cancel a safe deposit box, and they wouldn't let me do it, after keeping me waiting for one hour for no good reason (there was NO line). But I prayed for patience and calm and got through it. Part of what got me through it was thinking of my husband and focusing on what I wanted to tell him about the experience later when all was said and done. I wanted to tell a story in which I could be proud of myself and he could be proud of me. It is great to have someone in your life who inspires you to behave in an admirable manner.

Thursday, June 3, 2010


I am so glad and so grateful to God to give me a husband who trusts me so completely. Trust is vital to any relationship, especially a marriage. I felt this trust quite strongly this afternoon when one of our tenants did something that was the last straw of many incidents. I gave her notice that she has until July 31, 2010 to move out and I wished her well in her future. I love that I could be confident that Rueben would trust my judgment and that I did not need to check with him first. We discussed her in the past and I was sure he would agree with my decision at this point. He trusts me so much. This is one of the many things I love and appreciate about our relationship.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Learn from the Gores

I was in shock yesterday afternoon, when I first read that Al and Tipper Gore have decided to separate after 40 years of marriage. They always seemed to be such a great couple. But being a great couple does not make you immune to growing apart and deciding to split up. I suspect that if I were a fly on the wall, I would have witnessed them slowly growing apart in recent years. I pray that that never happens to you. I pray that that never happens to Rueben and I.

I think we are on the right track. We work on and pray about our marriage every single day. We express our love to each other and our appreciation for each other without fail, daily. We strive to never get too comfortable or complacent. We strive not to take each other for granted. And we strive to grow together, not apart. Growth enriches life. But growth should be together, not apart. In the days, weeks, and years to come, I pray that as we grow as individuals, we will also grow as a couple.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Through the Wonder of BlackBerries

Today was an extremely hectic day for my husband and I with one appointment after another from morning till night. I had to exercise, go out to breakfast, go to the post office, go to the bank, take a sugar free Red Bull break, buy sheet music for my concert on June 12th at Drom (, work with my voice teacher, exercise more, have brunch, make copies for a rehearsal, meet with my Jenny Craig counselor, have a cocktail, meet with my psychologist, go out to dinner, shop at Victoria's Secret, exercise more, and rehearse with my jazz ensemble. Through it all, I had to keep in touch with professional and personal contacts who touched base with me.

It was a full day from beginning to end. Rueben had back to back clients and other work to do. By the time he comes home from work, I will be in bed already. But with all our responsibilties, with all the demands on our time, we connected through the wonder of BlackBerries. We e-mailed each other updates on how are day was unfolding and told each other that we love each other. It was very sweet. No matter how much is on your plate, you must make time to reach out to your husband or wife. Never ever let a day go by without expressing your love. You will have a deeper bond day by day if you always strive to be close and make each other a priority.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Get in the Mood

Yesterday, afternoon, I was minding my own business, listening to my hairdresser's outgoing message, when my husband came into the doorway. He asked, "Are you on the phone?" I told him, "Not really. I am about to leave a message for Maria, telling her what a great job she did." He agreed that my hair looked great. Then he just stood in the doorway smiling at me. I left Maria a message and hung up.

The moment I hung up, he smiled more brightly, then rushed over to me, rubbed my knee, and put his hand between my legs. At that exact moment, I wasn't really in the mood. But I thought, okay, let's do it. Why not?

Well, let me tell you I am glad I resisted my initial reaction that I wasn't really in the mood, and instead had the second reaction of, okay, then. I am glad because it turned out to be one of the best love-making interludes I ever experienced in my life. And I have had many great lovers in my life, I am not afraid to admit. Anyway, it was PHENOMENAL! Imagine! I would have missed out if I said, "Sorry honey, but I am not in the mood."

So my advice for today is if your husband or wife initiates sex and you are not really in the mood, GET in the mood. You never know where it will lead or how it will make you feel. I felt like the lines from Missy Elliot's hit, "Work It," "Sex me so good I say, 'Blah, blah, blah.' I need a glass o' watah, boy oh boy it's good to know ya."

I am not kidding. I couldn't think straight after we made love. I was on Facebook,afterwards, and saw a picture of one of my ex-boyfriends and my mind went totally blank. I could not remember his name at all for like a long, long lingering moment. Finally, it came to me after I struggled. Alister. I thought wow. That was really great sex if I forgot Alister. When we went out, he thought I was "the one" and told me he dreamt I would be his wife. Telling me this made me go completely crazy for him. I would forget HIS name? Wow. And to think I almost said no to that spirit lifting, mind-blowing sex. Get in the mood. It might surprise you!

Sunday, May 30, 2010


I promised a few days ago to let you know how my date went with my husband at Birdland, the most famous jazz club in the world. It was fantastic. We saw the incomparable Karrin Allyson in concert with a great jazz trio. But seeing her was not the best part. The best part was that on the way into the club, my husband noticed a postcard that was publicizing Birdland's special event every Monday night at 9:30. Long story short, I am singing at Birdland on Memorial Day and on June 7th to promote my next big concert at Drom. I never would have known about it if not for my husband so I am very grateful to him.

As Iron Sharpens Iron

There is a scripture in the Bible that reads, "as iron sharpens iron, so one (person) sharpens the other." I believe the best relationships are the ones in which each person sharpens the other. Well, I am happy to report that my husband and I sharpen each other. This is fresh in my mind right now and I am inspired to write about it, because I just pulled an all-nighter in my online course, and got an 80% on the test for the last chapter in the course.

God helped me through the night to persevere, not give up, be confident, have energy. But my husband gets some of the credit too, not just God. I feel like Sarah Palin, as she credits "Todd (her husband) and God. But it is true in the best relationships. My husband brings out the best in me. He inspires and helps me to be at reach new heights and do great things. I can't wait till he wakes up so I can thank him for sharpening me as iron sharpens iron. I have to wait about 2 hours to tell him this. At least, I can share it in my blog whilst I wait for him to wake up.

In the course that I just completed, I have been preparing myself for a new field, relevant to my former field. My new field is financial services, and my former field s education. The relevance is both have to do with helping as many people as possible to reach their goals. I saw in myself an ability to change careers. It takes being with the right, supportive, loving, caring, dynamite person to take a risk like this.

Ask yourself: who sharpens me as iron sharpens iron? I hope it is your husband or wife. If not, it is not too late to change this. You will be glad you did.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Mirror His Joy

My tip for today is if your husband is excited about something, you will do well to get excited too. Share his joy if you want him to be your boy. It is the kind of effort that comes more naturally in the dating process than in the life of a marriage, but I believe it should be maintained. Earlier today, I became fascinated by a tennis match he was glued to. I became enthusiastic about a "destination wedding" invitation from a couple he knows that he was jumping out his skin about. Sharing his excitement about the tennis match and the wedding made him feel appreciated, loved, understood, and valued. So do try this in your home as well. Don't misunderstand me, I love tennis and I love destination weddings. I am just suggesting turning up a notch your overt reaction to things to match his.

Friday, May 28, 2010


I saw "Sex and the City 2" yesterday and it greatly impacted me. I don't think I am giving too much away when I say that Carrie runs into her ex-boyfriend Aidan while on vacation in the Middle East and kisses him, even though she is married to John. Her girlfriend Charlotte warned her that meeting Aidan for dinner all alone was playing with fire, but she ignored this wise warning. It made me think carefully about what I would do if I were on vacation without my husband and ran into an old flame. I wrote about it in my journal on the way home from the movie. I basically think that Charlotte was right. The way to avoid a mistake like kissing an ex, is not to play with fire. Carrie never should have met with Aidan alone because of their history. Aidan once wanted to marry Carrie and he considers Carrie, "the one that got away." If there is a danger of something inappropriate happening, you must be very careful and not make yourself vulnerable to slipping or straying or doing something you will later regret--something that would hurt your husband if he knew about it. It is all about honor. You must treat your husband with honor and show respect to your marriage. Part of that respect, is keeping any and all friendships innocent and platonic.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Accepting a Compliment

What stands out to me today that I would like to share is to graciously, and appreciatively accept a compliment. I was studying when my husband came home. I was wearing gym shorts and an ill-fitting Tommy Girl t-shirt. Plus, since today the weather was hot and humid, my hair was so frizzy that I looked like the "before" in an advertisement for anti-friz serum. Suffice it to say, I felt that I didn't look my best. Well, my husband did not share my opinion. The moment he saw me, he told me how pretty my hair looks. I started to contradict him, but I bit my tongue and expressed to him how much I appreciated his compliment. When someone loves you and compliments you when you don't feel you are at your best, do not correct the person. Simply say thanks and enjoy the moment.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Billy Joel Factor

Billy Joel, in one of his most touching lyrics, says "She's got a way about her. I don't know what it is, but I know that I can't live without her." You want to definitely be that woman. Rueben had a hard day that really got to him in a bad way. He called me and was extremely upset. I said if he could hold himself together till he got home, I would make him feel better. "How,?" he asked? "How do you think," I replied with a playful voice.

I greeted him as he got home, wearing nothing but a robe. My plan was to cheer him up with a blow job, maybe more, as I dropped the robe, because that is a total mood booster. But it turned out to not be what he needed. What he needed was to be kissed, passionately at times, gently at other times and held. He also needed to touch me. I just went with his energy and did whatever it seemed he needed or wanted to do with me, to me, for me. This went on for about an hour. Then he whispered to me, "Thank you." I thought "She comforts me when I'm feeling down, and inspires me without a sound. She touches me. I get turned around." You want to be a comforting, supportive healing force to come home to after a hard day. There is a line in the erotic film, "Henry and June" where Anais Nin says to Henry Miller, "The world will give us plenty of beatings. What we need is each other's support."

Sunday, May 23, 2010

God Doesn't Promise Us Tomorrow

My advice for today is to make the most of every opportunity. God doesn't promise us tomorrow. So if there is something you want to say to your husband, say it NOW. I was thinking about my husband this afternoon and realized what a blessing he is to me. As soon as the thought came to me, I sent him an e-mail expressing my deep appreciation to him. He responded that I am a blessing to him too. I am so glad we met and am mindful of the fact that I should never ever get too comfortable or take him for granted. He is precious and I cherish our relationship.

Saturday, May 22, 2010


Off and on, all day long today, I have been thinking and writing about my husband. I am very much looking forward to seeing him tonight. We have a date to go out to the world's most famous jazz club, Birdland. It is a jazz club at which I have a goal of performing one day soon. I hope to perform there in a year or two, once more people are interested in me than are now. Anyway, I have been careful all day to keep contact with my husband at a minimum. I only sent one e-mail to ask what time we are leaving for the jazz club, so I know what time to be ready. I am a true believer that absence really does make the heart grow fonder. So being out of touch except for that one message can help us have a wonderful date tonight. I will let you know how it went!

Friday, May 21, 2010


First, I must say how sorry I am that lately, I have not been doing my blog on a daily basis. It happened because my Intenet had been down, and finally works again today. Thanks so much for understanding.

Okay, now that that is out of the way, I must advocate having hot, naughty sex with your husband. You will both feel an adrenaline rush. I know we did last night.

When Rueben came home from work last night, I greeted him totally nude at the top of the staircase. He then began having his way with me right there on the staircase. Let's just leave it at that. Use your imagination!

I felt like it was our first hot, steamy encounter! It excited the living daylights out of me and cheered him up (he mentioned to me afterward that he had been a little down beforehand). It did wonders for us both, so I must recommend spicing it up. Or as Carrie Bradshaw would say regaining the "sparkle."

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Speak Up

This morning, over breakfast, Rueben and I were discussing our day. We would go to church together, go to a farewell brunch with our dear friend who is relocating soon, then he would go and meet with clients and be home at 6 p.m. I would prepare dinner. Lemon pepper wings. Meanwhile, I would spend time with one of my girlfriends, do a little shopping, and catch up with my e-mails (including sending an mp3 of one of my best songs, "I Should Be Singin'" to one of my musicians).

A few minutes after Rueben got home, dinner was served. After dinner, Rueben started clearing the table. But as he walked back and forth clearing things away and talking to me as he did so, I became a bit uncomfortable when I noticed he was not clearing away MY plate, used napkin, fork, anything. I could have suffered in silence, but I believe in speaking up and letting someone know when I have a concern. I said, "I am finished too." He let me know that he had every intention of clearing my things away, but he just hadn't gotten around to it yet. Then he got right to it. I am glad I didn't just quietly wait and wait and make myself increasingly uncomfortable. If something is on your mind, say something. I wouldn't get upset or become a nag. Just be matter of fact. It will help your relationship.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Come Lie Down

In one of my songs, "Come Lie Down," I sing:
Come lie down
next to me
It's warm here
next to me
I'll erase all
the cares
that weigh you
I'll soothe you
soothe you

Well, Rueben could have easily sung those lyrics to me instead of the other way around. Tonight, I was weighed down by the world. I became overwhelmed while I was studying. I was so overwhelmed that all I could do was turn out the lights and climb into bed. And it was too early for that, that's for sure. It was only about 7 p.m!

I mustered up the strength, thank God, to take my BlackBerry to bed with me and let my husband know that I was depressed and overwhelmed and I needed him. He came to me. When he came in the room, I didn't want or need to talk. I didn't want or need to listen. I asked him to just be with me. All I needed was for him to lie down next to me and softly stroke my back again and again for about an hour. No words. Just a gentle touch. Finally, his touch transformed my mood and I was able to get up and write this blog. When I got up, I wasn't sure how to explain what had happened. But when I turned on the computer, I thought of "Come Lie Down" In another part of the song, I sing:

Come lie down
Collapse in my arms
You're safe, secure
here in my arms
I'll melt all
your cares away
I'll protect you
from the encroaching
Let me nurse you
nurse you

Rueben really did that for me. I felt so safe. I felt so secure. I felt my cares melting away with each passing moment. And I made sure to tell him so. Part of having a great marriage is not knowing exactly what to say. No. It is knowing when to shut up and let your body do the talking.

To hear an excerpt of the song and purchase it as an mp3, find me on On that site, there are two versions of the song available, the alternative pop version on an album entitled "Love Is," and the jazz version on an album entitled "Topsy Turvy." I recommend you get them both. Play them and entwine your body with someone you love.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Taking Care of Business

This evening, I finally received an urgent message for which I have been waiting several days. I received it while Rueben and I were sharing a moment. I had just entertained him by giving him a private piano recital, without realizing it. I thought he was busy doing something upstairs, but I turned around and YIKES! There he was. He startled me. Anyway, I had just gone to join him on the loveseat when my BlackBerry beeped. It was a message from the wife of a videographer with whom I am considering doing a project. He might film my very first music video. I will keep you posted.

Anyway, love is great, but sometimes business must be the priority. I left Rueben on the love seat and went to fire off long, detailed e mails about the video shoot to my lawyer, the videographer's wife, a fellow artist, and my photographer. Rueben did not complain. I thank God that I could go and take care of business without him complaining that I left him alone right after he got home. He accepts that I am an independent and hard working person, with lots of irons on the fire. And I respect him in the same way. Our relationship is based on a firm foundation of not only romantic love, but, more importantly mutual respect.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Joyous Reunion

This evening, I went to a socializing and networking event in my neighborhood, organized by a great woman who lives in the house right next to ours, Callia. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I was optimistic about how promising it could be. Callia set us up to organize the meeting and RSVP on the internet. It was to start at 7 p.m. at a nearby tavern. When I arrived, I grabbed a beverage at the bar, then walked over to the rendez-vous point in the back, by the pool table. It was just me, Callia, and a nice girl named MJ. I thought okay, don't worry. If you build it, they will come. Fast forward to 8:30, we had so many people there, that they had to bring more chairs for our group. We talked. We laughed. We had a great time together, and I got to invite everyone there to my next concert, June 12th at Drom ( I made new friends from my neighborhood, something that I love to do. There are great things to do in Prospect Lefferts Gardens, our neighborhood. Callia asked for Rueben, but I explained his demanding schedule doesn't make attending community social groups all that possible.

It would have been fun if Rueben had been there, but, heck, I had the time of my life without him. Part of what makes our marriage work is we spend time apart, then we see each other again in a joyous reunion, with lingering embraces and passionate kisses.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Getting Busy

I was minding my business, watching the ten o'clock news, when all of a sudden, Rueben jumped into bed with me and wanted to get busy. It was such a pleasant surprise that I immediately turned off the t.v. and had some serious fun with him. The funny thing is afterwards, he said that he had wanted me for days and it had all built up. I thought to myself, what? When? Oh well. I guess we have different ideas about seduction! That's for sure!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


I think it is important to take pleasure in the simple little things that make you appreciate the one that you are with. One example is something that happened tonight. When Rueben came home from work, he told me that he had been so focused on exercising, that he had not had time to eat dinner. He was extremely hungry and afraid a Jenny Craig dinner would not be enough, but ordering salmon terriyaki from our favorite Japanese restaurant might be overdoing it, especially at the late hour of 9:30 p.m. I suggested a compromise: order one sushi roll and miso soup, and pair that with one of the selections from Jenny Craig. It would be the best of both worlds. He loved the suggestion, and proceeded to make it a reality. He thanked me for my input. It may not sound like much, but it meant the world to me that he would seek and follow my advice, and tell me how much he appreciated my help. I, in turn, appreciated that he wanted my input to begin with. So it was a win-win situation.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Don't Forget How Rough It Is Out There

This evening, I had an appointment with my hairdresser at her salon. While I was under the dryer, all of a sudden, I thought of John Jessop, if that is his real name. Let me explain. Several years ago, I had an exciting love affair with someone named Alister, who lived in the United Kingdom. We met through mutual friends. I abruptly broke up with him after just 4 months, as was my restless norm for years. I had one short relationship after another. Anyway, I after that relationship ended, I craved and missed the excitement of dating someone from overseas. So I changed the settings in my account to be matched specifically with men from the U.K. One of them, who told me his name was John Jessop, charmed me over e-mails and, in time, phone calls. One thing led to another and he decided to come to New York just to meet and go out with me. I did not want him to get the wrong idea, so I reserved a hotel room for him, rather than invite a stranger to my home. But he was even more charming in person than he was over the internet and phone. Long story short, after I allowed myself to be seduced by him, he acted distant and just dreadful. So when he suddenly came to my mind today, I thought to myself how grateful I am to no longer be out in the dating world. It is rough out there. I am glad that Rueben and I met and fell in love and I no longer need to worry about the John Jessops in the world who act one way to get in your pants, then act in the opposite manner once they have succeeded to get what they are after. I think it is important to never forget what it is like to look for love in all the wrong places, so that I will cherish and treasure what I have in my marriage.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Time Apart

It is extremely important to the health and stability of your marriage to have a full life apart from the marriage. I do not agree with the lyric in "Make Someone Happy" that goes "once you've found him, build your world around him." If you build your entire world around a man, you are setting yourself up for trouble. It is with this belief in mind, that I spent the entire afternoon and evening with one of my closest girlfriends today. We met after church for lunch, went to a bible study group, took a long walk from West 120th and Claremont to East 90th and 5th, enjoyed a concert, took another long walk, and went out to dinner. I had originally planned to be home at around 7 p.m., but instead got home around 9 p.m. When I arrived, Rueben was waiting for me with open arms and had missed me. He fell in love with someone independent, with friends and lots of activities and commitments. Why should that change just because we got married? Exactly. It shouldn't.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Going Steady

Rueben and I went to a party tonight. We left early to spend time alone. While at the party, we thoroughly enjoyed each other's company. We kept smiling at each other, singing to each other, holding hands, and kissing again and again, as if we just started going steady. It was lovely.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Don't Keep It In

I was upset with my husband this evening, and was tempted to keep it to myself. But instead I asked to speak to him and told him how I felt. I am glad that we can talk like that. We worked it out and I was no longer upset.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

He Put Courage Into Me

I have been taking a very intense, difficult online course. I have found it extremely challenging to balance my studies with my other responsibilities. Every single day, before I can move to the next level, I must pass a test. Today I got a respectable grade on my test of 80%. I was pleased. Then I looked ahead in the course to see how many chapters I have left. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that I am almost finished. I only have seven chapters left. I was glad to learn this. But in the very next moment, my happiness turned to trepidation. I was afraid that after I finish the course, I will fail the final exam, my licensing exam. The more I thought about it, the more my mood went completely downhill. I called my husband to tell him that I was depressed thinking that the exam would be too much for me. He encouraged me in the true sense of the word--he put courage into me. He said that all I had to do was not expect to know everything I have studied from one reading alone, and not to be discouraged when I take the similated exam and find that I fail. He said it is perfectly normal and I shouldn't allow myself to be discouraged by it. I should review my notes a few times, and I should do great. I felt so much better. It is good to have a partner in life that can help me to see what I can accomplish and that I can do great things.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

A Keeper

The other day, I wrote to an old friend about the fun weekend I had with Rueben. She wrote back, "Husband? I didn't know you were married." Then I wrote back to her all about Rueben. She wrote back to me today that anyone who inspires a blog, a book (35 Ways to Marry the Man of Your Dreams), and songs, "Your Love Makes Me Love You," "You're the One," and "Heaven," is "a keeper." I couldn't agree more. Rueben is definitely a keeper. I knew it early on. I still know it now. And I let him know often how glad I am that he is in my life. He lets me know the same every chance he gets.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Wind Beneath My Wings

I have been on top of the world lately, and Rueben has noticed. He told me today, via BlackBerry, how happy he is for me that I am so ecstatic. It meant the world to me that my happiness is his happiness. That is priceless. Absolutely priceless.

A lot of blessings have been coming my way. My best friend Kim is in town. My other close friend Mithsou and I are getting together this Saturday at what should prove to be a fantastic dinner party. Rueben and I have been having more sex lately (this is a great thing, as I am a sex maniac!) I am looking forward to a reunion with my great friend Hui-Tzu next month. I am looking forward to the biggest and best concert of my career June 12th at Drom. A television show called me to say they want to feature me. I will keep you posted on that one. I am on the radio ( Just type in my name and you will instantly hear the song I sang to Rueben at our wedding. My online course has been going well and I am progressing nicely and steadily. And I just lost another 2 pounds this past week. I am a member of Jenny Craig. I go every week for an invaluable one on one consultation, but I rarely eat their food. I do my own version. Are you ready for this? I call it the Twinkie Diet. Eat lots of baby spinach with light dressing, whole grain cereal with fat free milk, and other wise choices, then end the day with one single Twinkie as a treat. Also make sure to exercise. It works like a charm. Today, I am celebrating 88 days since the last time I overate. I plan to return to an OA meeting soon to let them know what a difference Overeaters Anonymous has made in my life. So, you see I have a lot of joy in my life. It is great to have a life partner who cheers for you and is happy that you are happy. God bless, you, sweet Rueben. You are the wind beneath my wings.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Busy Schmizzy

No matter how busy I am, and no matter how busy my husband is, we always make sure we make time for each other. Today is a perfect example. From early morning till late at night, Rueben has been out and about seeing clients and doing other essential work to make his business prosper. All day, I took care of a million e-mails I needed to read and send, several calls I had to make, and places I had to go. But despite our hectic day, Rueben and I fired off e-mails to each other on the go via and spoke via phone. Reaching out back and forth by e-mail and phone on a regular basis is a great way to let someone know that you love him and he is a priority in your life.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

A Team

I once read somewhere that TEAM stands for together everyone achieves more. It was more than ten years ago and I have never forgotten it. Today, my husband and I made a great team. We woke up together at 6 a.m., left the house at 7 a.m., and set off to our godson's apartment. My best friend Kim, her young son Joshua, and her older son Justin were to be ready at 7:30 a.m. awaiting our arrival to pick them up to go to church together. Kim asked me last night to call when I was on the way, so she would know when to come down to meet us in front of Justin's building. I called as she asked, as Rueben listened to the GPS on one of his BlackBerries (he has two). Long story short, Kim and Joshua finally came down at 7:50 a.m. or so. But we were just glad to see them. Because we were not upset about waiting, and instead were talking, laughing, singing and dancing in our seats, the whole experience was fun. Justin finally appeared about 20 minutes later. We were just happy to see them and didn't mind that they had kept us waiting. I think Rueben and I made a great team in what could have been a much different scenerio. I love that we fit together like Splenda and fresh strawberries. Delicious!

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Just Because He Thought I Would Like It

In one of the songs I wrote for my husband, "Your Love Makes Me Love You," from the album "Topsy Turvy," the wedding vows I sang to him, I explain:

Everything you do is magic to me
Everything you say makes me happy
Everywhere we go is like a movie
You're love makes me love you.
Every time we kiss is just like the first.
When I'm in your arms I feel I could just burst
I do. I do. For better or worst.
Your love makes me love
Your love makes me love
Your love makes me love you

The whole song, only excerpted here, is a female version of the Police's "Every little thing she does is magic." I appreciate the way he loves me, how he always thinks of ways to make me happy. It could be something huge, like spending thousands of dollars to pay my musicians for the recording of my new CD, or something small but significant, like buying an unusual bottle of salad dressing, just because he thought I would like it. He did both those things. In fact, we invents ways to make me smile. By the way, the salad dressing was of a variety I had never seen before. It was Fat Free Wasabi Dijon. It tastes AMAZING on baby spinach. Absolutely mind blowingly delectable. After I finish my salad, I lick the plate! Don't tell anyone. That is just between you and me.

I e-mailed my husband that this afternoon, I finished the world's most delicious light dressing. He wrote back right away offering to buy more. He bought it just because he thought I would like it, and now he was offering to replace it to keep me smiling. But then it was his turn to smile. I know for a fact that he has been working extremely hard today and this demanding schedule shows little sign of abatement.

I e-mailed him we don't need any more right now. Instead I will use Newman's Own Sesame Ginger, which is also fantastic. Would I prefer for him to bring home the Wasabi Dijon now? Oh absolutely! But I have to think of what is best for him.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Just the Nearness of Him

This morning, from about 10 a.m. until about 12 or so, I spent time sending networking e-mails about a big concert I have on June 12th at Drom Bar/Restaurant. What happened was late last night, just before going to bed, I painstakingly sent about 50 or 60 individual messages about my show. So this morning, many responses were waiting for me. Anyway, once all the networking was out of the way, it was time to do something that I was a bit intimidated by: read, at a very fast pace, the course material in preparation for my New York State Life and Health licensing exam. I was scared because although I have eleven years experience as a literacy expert, I read surprisingly slowly and methodically and usually need to re-read something a few times to understand and remember it well. But I decided to pick up the pace to cut the prep time for my exam in half.

You know how Sarah Palin likes to mention that Todd (her husband) and God give her strength? I can relate to her in this regard. I have the same impression of Rueben and God. Unfortunately they don't rime. so it doesn't have the same ring to it. God helped me with his comforting presence to read faster and retain what I was reading this afternoon. But it was also the comforting presence of my husband, who, thank goodness, did not have any clients today, and thus was in the house, that made a big difference in my studies. He wasn't even on the same floor, much less the same room, but he helped me to persevere. I thank God and I thank him because today's chapter took half the time to read than is typical for me, but I got a score of 80% on the chapter test (passing is 70). It was just the nearness of him that helped me have such an encouraging outcome. I am so grateful to God and Rueben for their help this afternoon.